04-06-2020, 07:39 PM
Ah! I went through a period of being hopeless. It was very denigrating. That was beyond my personal experience. I could see and feel how people had lost themselves -- submitted to the finite. They could not feel that there was a beautiful universe! They could not even feel themselves. I thought about suicide, myself, but I refused to submit.
I had the angel of my mother, though, and the devil of my father. I was given a binary from birth. The 'sorrow' as Ra calls it.
Though I became what most call 'alcoholic', it was just a way to release my negativity, because I am '"too cool for school". I do not harm others. I feel guilty about eating meat, even. But I live in America and the vegetables here are bad.
I only stay where I am out of compassion. I want to leave. I want to be selfish, move to my country, and grow my own food. I want to bask in the sun everyday and make love to a beautiful woman. I do not want to be here at all. But I feel a duty to stay. I cry, now, not out of pity but sorrow.
My selfishness is small. The duty is grand. I know there is a universe. A beautiful one. One where you can feel the cosmos and fly away! A place where you will not need vessels because you will not even need wings! A place that is all places!
Though I choose not to remember, I can feel Good, and Love, and Wonder! I can feel the Creator and myself, and everyone as One.
I had the angel of my mother, though, and the devil of my father. I was given a binary from birth. The 'sorrow' as Ra calls it.
Though I became what most call 'alcoholic', it was just a way to release my negativity, because I am '"too cool for school". I do not harm others. I feel guilty about eating meat, even. But I live in America and the vegetables here are bad.
I only stay where I am out of compassion. I want to leave. I want to be selfish, move to my country, and grow my own food. I want to bask in the sun everyday and make love to a beautiful woman. I do not want to be here at all. But I feel a duty to stay. I cry, now, not out of pity but sorrow.
My selfishness is small. The duty is grand. I know there is a universe. A beautiful one. One where you can feel the cosmos and fly away! A place where you will not need vessels because you will not even need wings! A place that is all places!
Though I choose not to remember, I can feel Good, and Love, and Wonder! I can feel the Creator and myself, and everyone as One.