Dark Night, Hatred, Shadow Work, and Acceptance(Please Pray for Me).

[Sacred Fool]

I plan on doing some meditation and reflection, and some very honest self-assessment. Once I have something to share I will share my insights.

Just one further teensy weensy comment.  You can't out-think your head, as you know, any more than you can outpace your own body, and trying to do so can lead to a feeling of entrapment--not unlike is expressed in your OP.  So, you may find it useful to develope more subtle, complementary modalities of interaction with self and with the world in order to enrich your perspective.  Also, this might help alleviate some of the over-charged pressure in your noggin as well.  Observation of how Madame La Frog regards the catalyst of these forums might be instructive, for example.  Her approach is not to lead with cognition.  She has a complementary reflexive approach, one contrasting with your own reflexively cognitive posture.