My LBL Regression, with Law of One related material

[Dallas]

(...continued)

So what kind of garment do you have on at this moment?

The image of my being as Martha.

Ah, I see.  

I feel it limits me now.

Let me know if you go to a particular place to do this, or if it happens more organically.  

It is another place.  It's like taking off a coat.  It's more subtle than leaving a body, but there's something residual there that I don't need to carry forever.  

When you get there, see if you can tell me any more about how you slip this, and do you do something with that?

It's like seeing a ship out to sea.  It comes off, just separates from me, like you'd see a ship go off to the horizon and it sort of dissolves into... it doesn't cease to exist.  Partially dissolves and partially becomes part of me.  The energy of it.  But when it dissolves, it doesn't dissolve to nothing, it dissolves into everything almost.  It's part of existence.  The essence still stays with me.  

Is this a subtle integration of something?

I suppose so.  I have to cast it off to continue forward.  But it's almost like I keep everything I need.  Everything I want to keep will stay with me.  But the form, the unnecessary form, can dissolve and be left.  With thanks, and appreciation for all that it offered.  I feel free...  It's like (deep exhale) if you've been in a straightjacket for a year and got out.  (Another deep exhale).(I feel the remainder of this part of my being separated in some way.  It's like clothing, almost.  It was clothing my spirit and uniting my experience as Martha, while simultaneously only allowing certain aspects of my truer, spiritual self to remain activated.  I can see the energy aspects of Martha that are unique, and I can then perceive much, much broader and deeper aspects of myself again, as if Martha were a costume I wore for an evening.)
(I remember seeing part of Martha's image dissolve in the way I mentioned, but part of it distills into a glowing cube of sorts, which I place inside my pseudo-abdominal area like a disk going into a computer.  This cube then becomes part of my spirit form and ceases to be visible as a separate object.)

Do you feel like you have a form left?

Yes.  Sort of a wispy body form.  I can move in ways that the body can't.  I can run my arms through each other, things like that.  I was doing that just for fun, because it feels better. I was moving my body form around, almost stretching of some sort, as I feel so perfectly freed for all motion.  I can move my limbs through myself, and through each other, without disturbing my spirit's bodily energy field.

Does it have a color?

I have many colors.  (long pause)  I choose not to... (long pause) (I choose not to state a color in a traditional sense.  I can see what colors/rays I radiate and also see what ones I do not radiate as well in my current form.  My own radiation reflects reds, oranges, yellows, browns, golden colors, some green and bright, vivid blue, with the various blues being predominant)  I have many colors.  Each melts into the next.  It's like a collection.  They are like the rays, gained through experience.  I don't have all the colors in this way, but I have many.  (I had generated a conscious block, before my session, to acknowledging any indicator of soul progress like I had read about in other LBL studies because I desired to avoid any temptation to create a feeling of superiority or inferiority if I later compared myself to others in some way.  This interference gradually faded throughout my session as I realized on a deeper level that the greatest comfort/benefit comes from knowing my true self better and embracing exactly where I'm at without judgement of position or advancement.  I run no risk of creating a stumbling block by merely acknowledging what I see or perceive in private with Judy.  However I do not regret my overabundance of caution in this area.

I do feel it is significant to note that I did perceive multiple colored vertical rays/ribbons of light within my being and others from my group, much more so than seeing one glowing color.  There was still a singular color glow, but much less prominent than the multicolored rays which dominated at the core of each being.)

Now once you've shed your skin and are feeling this eternal freedom again, do you know what you are to do next?

I want to see Maria.  I haven't seen her in a long time.  (Maria is my wife in my current life.  I had not necessarily preconceived some desire to see her in my session, but I felt compelled to see her at this point.)

How do you arrange that?

Just will it.  It's not a snapping of fingers, it's a willing it and a trust that it will come, and knowing that it comes.  

Is there a particular space where you think you might find her?

(faintly) Yes....  I am already in this space and Maria has come to greet me in her spirit body form which looks much like my own.  I recognize her essence and her color rays... I could never mistake her.  We are very similar but ever so slightly different in the ways in which our different color rays radiate.  It's like a fingerprint - incredibly subtle and yet unmistakeable.  
I am overcome with joy as we embrace on a level which I cannot describe.  I feel the permanence of our bond, I feel our mutual love and mutual growth and sense some aspects of our journeys together.

(I take several deep, shaky, emotional breaths, and begin to cry)

Have you found her?

Yes.  She says hello.

Does Maria have her particular presentation here?

I see her somewhat how I see myself.  A collection of different rays of light, almost like a war general wears ribbons of what he's been in.  Not that it's war, but... we've learned to express each color, and as such it's a vibrant part of us.  We're still working on a few, like Orajuna's color.  The color isn't the goal, it's a byproduct.  

Was Maria's soul involved in your life as Martha?

No.  We, I feel we've been not on the same mission for a while.  But that makes our reunion so much better.  We've been walking a similar path in tandem even though we may be separate. (I transition back to observing us together) Beautiful blue...  (Together, we share a vivid blue hue that I would compare to diving deep in the ocean and then looking up toward the daylight through the water.)

If it's something you desire, perhaps we can have Maria take you to your closest group of soul friends, which may or may not be made up of the souls that greeted you when you entered home.  

It looks different.  Old friends.  We haven't...  We don't get to see each other in lives all the time.  It stretches back (over a long period).... (I get) the picture of independent study, in a way.

How many souls would you say are in this group?

Five or six.  Six including me.

Do they position themselves in any particular form or formation here?

Circular.  It's a circular space that we have.  

And where are you?  Are you in the... do they form a circle as well or no?  

Yes, both.

Are you in the circle with them?

Just one, yes, not the center.  

If we were to think about the soul to your left, does that present more as a male or a female?

I don't know.  Even Maria is...

Where is Maria in the circle?

She is to my right.  But she presents differently, I don't... I recognize her, but she doesn't look like we look.  I just recognize her, I would never not recognize her.  And it's like, my energy is just me.  It's not male... I mean, whatever.... (I became distracted by the focus on determining the sex of others, although I understand it's value in a line of questioning.  This was my poorly communicated way of saying that male/female orientations are completely irrelevant to me at this particular point.)

So do you want to try again to your left?  etc... what can you tell me about the quality of that soul's energy?  

Sort of an active joker, lots of energy, always into something.  (Long pause.) (Of all statements in my session, the observations I make about others in this circle are the ones I have the least confidence in.)  (I am working very hard to perceive anything at all about others in the circle other than Maria.  Only the broadest generalizations come to me other than their presence and the subtleties of their ray colors, which are all broadly similar but slightly unique.)  We don't spend a lot of time together, it's just to reconnect.  It's like a reunion.  

And if we move beyond the one to your left, and up one, to your left, can you get a sense of that soul's energy?

I don't.

Is there a sense that there's a presence there, in that spot though?

Yes.  I only get one other specific presence, and it's the one past that one in line.

Ok, so it's the one directly across from you?

Almost, slightly to the right of...

What can you tell me about that one?

I just see an image of a past incarnation of him.  We were some sort of like, gladiator/warrior or something, a long time ago.  And I see him that way.  I don't know why he shows me that particularly.  But that's what I see.  Maybe that's the last time we incarnated together.  (I see a golden hued body form of a man with a helmet and armor, projecting strength but not any form of ruthless violence that might be associated with the word “warrior”.)

Now there should be one more entity between that guy and Maria, is that right?

Yes.

Is there anything you might pick up about that soul?

(I search again) No.  There's no form, all I see are the colors, the rays of color, of light.  

Does that one have any particular ray or coloring?  

No, each one is subtly different, but we all have the same essence.  We are all essentially in the same spot, same... (We share common experience, path and development, whether it was gained together physically or not.  The image is of walking the same path in parallel, in some way.)  (I'm unsure why I couldn't see anything more “personal” about those in my group than their subtleties of different ray coloring.  I have debated that it may just be unimportant for me at this time, or maybe they are actually in my life but I should not know this as it might change my actions toward them, or perhaps they will enter my life in the future.  Either way, the only essences I know from my group are Maria, and the being who showed me a picture of a prior incarnation.)

Do they have anything to say about your life lived as Martha?

(laughs)  I just got “ugly old woman.” (I'm lightheartedly poked at for my appearance at the end of my last life.) They liked my bravery, at the end.  Steadfast bravery, and that helped others pass more easily.  

Is there anything else about this group that you'd like to think about or report?

I get the sense that we don't get... we don't reconvene often, or for long.  We always can, but there's more to do outside of us, and no one is selfish.  

When you say that you think you may not reconvene often, do you mean in the physical during incarnation, or do you mean in the inner world?

Both.  It's almost like there's much to do, not that we can't... at any time, we can be together.  But, it's a universal recognition that there's other to do and we spent... I get the impression of a lot of time.  That's what binds us.  Time and space and learning together.  It's like you graduate one school and you have a different thing to do.  

I would like to make sure we do have time to visit with your council today, so whenever you feel like it would be a good time to do that, let me know.  

I'm ready.  I have said a goodbye of sorts to my old friends.  We acknowledge that this was a nice pit stop, almost, along the journey we each are on.  We reconvened because I chose to.  We all know where to find each other when our work is done, or when we choose to reconvene.  I definitely sense that there is an aspect of spirit which stays in this world, and obviously Maria is currently incarnated with me on Earth.  I could sense the connection of her spirit to her body, in a way of simultaneously indicating that I am the one who bridged the gap at this time/place and I merely leave one aspect of her to return to the other, partially limited aspect of us both on Earth.

Do you know where to go, or will Orajuna escort you?  

I know the way.  He will come too.
I go with Orajuna from this space and again it seems it's not far at all to this great hall where I greet my council. It's as if all it takes is only a few steps in an extremely precise direction to get there. These spaces are completely separate, yet so intricately close if you know exactly where you're going. I enter a great hall, with a long table and 5 beings seated at it. The hall is a huge, rectangular/spherical space which, similar to the field, maintains a closeness among all things.  While there is a visual presentation of arrangement and distance, nothing is actually father from anything else.  Two beings that are seated next to each other would not have to “reach” any further to reach a being at the opposite end.  Anything seemingly linear in appearance is for ease of understanding only, and not to imply actual distance. (As I enter the hall, I have an exchange with the being in the center which I relate after describing the chamber to Judy.)
(After long pause) You have been invited to direct the conversation.  

That's very nice.  Now, do you find yourself in a certain kind of space?  

It feels like a big hall.  Very big, yet intimate.  Like every... no matter how far you sit from another, you're sitting right next to them.

Very interesting.  Is there a shape to it?

A bit rectangular, but forgiving of the shape.  You might called it a rounded rectangle.  

And are you sitting or standing?

Standing.

Where is Orajuna in relation to you?

Next to me, left, slightly behind.

I will assume there are other beings here in this space as well?

Yes.

Would they be more in front of you?  Would they be more in a line in front of you?  Spread out or...

It feels like seated at a table.  If I were to draw you the picture, it would look standoff-ish, but it's not standoff-ish.  It's just everyone can see everyone. (The beings are all seated on one side, lengthwise, of the table and are slightly higher than me, although they are seated and I am standing.)

Can you tell at this point how many entities are seated at the table?

Five?

I will guess that the one in the middle may have the initial attention, or perhaps want to present first?  Let me know if that's accurate.

Yes, we already had an exchange.

Can you tell me about that?

He commented on my questions.  I brought quite the questions.  He likes that.  Some things need to stay ambiguous, through that veil that separates us here, from all of it.  But some things can be told.

It might be good  if we begin the conversation as we entered the world here coming off of your life as Martha.  I would guess that there are things that he would like to talk about in terms of your soul's activities and service.  So first, tell me about his appearance, or his energy or quality.

His visual appearance is very dark.  Still warm, welcoming and loving, but very dark in color.  (This being appears to be very dark purple, similar but not identical to Orajuna's appearance.  He also has a similar garment.)

Does he have a human form?

No.

Let's ask what he would like to open the conversation about regarding coming back from your life as Martha.

I'm much better acquainted with... This life was good in a way of being better acquainted with the dynamics of others.  And as I described before, my willingness to smile and nod sometimes, even if I saw something I would otherwise like to change or correct or fix, this was a good...  It worked well to have me be more comfortable in that way.  Sometimes I have struggled with that. (This connects to Orajuna's similar points regarding challenges during my past life.  Although I have some improvement to make, there were good steps forward along these lines in my life as Martha.)

With that sort of acceptance of something?

Yes.  It's like I'm... Many of us that came from somewhere else have a hard time with that sometimes. (This statement that I came from somewhere else sits comfortably with me and brings back the faintest memories of something before, some sort of transit, and a choice to be here.  Not just on Earth, but in this particular astral/spirit place)

So overall it seems that the part of you that he is addressing is this part that would perceive things that were off or could be changed and you working with that aspect of yourself in getting more choice-y, so to speak, and whether you would act on those impulses, or simply learn when to let them go and pick your battles so to speak?

Yes.  Patience, with others.  It's like... those of us that came from other places sometimes feel like there's so much to do.  We don't want to wait.  But we have to learn to wait.  Patience is indeed a virtue.  

Perhaps now you could move your attention to the entity to your left of center.... Let me know if this soul presents more as a male or female?

Female.  Almost a human form, not quite.  Beautiful blonde hair, blue eyes... stunningly beautiful.  A white gown, or robe or something.  (I am struck by the presence and appearance of this being, which also has fair skin, a warm smile, and radiates a soft feeling yet vibrant light with a blue tinge to it.  The same light comes powerfully from her jewelry.)

Does she wear anything else on top of the robe?

She has jewelry that... It's like diamonds but instead of reflecting light, it radiates light.  It's a reflection... It's not a belonging, it's a reflection of her.  

Is this a necklace or rings, or?

I see a bracelet (on her left wrist), I see a necklace.

Is it a pendant or are there diamonds all the way up and down it?

Its like a cluster of diamonds all the way around, but they're their own source of light.  She's very radiant.  

She sounds beautiful.  Is there any other quality about her energy that you could put your finger on?

She understands the ways in which I am not comfortable here, because she has an awareness of wherever I have been before.  And she... her place on this council is to give additional insight into the integration of some so that they can adapt or transition or be successful because she knows about whatever came before.  I'm not sure if she's... seems like she's also from there.

I would guess that there's some aspect of yourself that she would like to talk about.  Think about it with her, and let me know what you think.

My dislike of Earth.  General dislike.  My last life is a good example.  

How so?

War and... dying and being killed.  Children being killed.  All of the harshness.  She understands that.  She reminds me that that's exactly why I came... in a good way.  The word catalyst comes up.  The times of greatest need allow you to give the most help.

She could have presented herself in many ways.  Will you ask her why she is presenting in this fashion today?  With the white and gems and the self radiating diamonds and the beauty.

She reminds me that we are all beings of light.  We are not separate from it.  We can feel cut off, we can... whatever (may happen)... but we must remember that.  And that seeing the purity of another can remind us of what's in ourselves.
(long pause)

Perhaps we can look one entity to the left, the last one on that side?  When you can, let me know if that one presents more male or more female?

Male.  Very pragmatic, practical.  

Does he have a human form shown?  

It's almost human but not quite human.

What is that like?

Sort of a shorter, short stocky, gray brown skin, almost rubbery.  With a hard hat on, so practical.  

Did you say hard hat?

Yeah, but not plastic.  Almost like he's a worker in a mine.  It's the impression of down and dirty, nitty gritty stuff.  He is an expert with implementation.  
The appearance of this being is almost part ant/insect and part human, with a metal helmet on and an implement I can't discern in his left hand.  Odd as it sounds, it does not disturb me.  I could say he is mostly humanoid with specific features taken from an ant-like creature, in some way.
It's like he says “I think a lot of things but I'm not going to tell you.  (pause)  You're in the middle of it.”  (This was a paraphrased thought.  He did not come across coldly, as it might imply.)

What was the last?

He said I'm in the middle of it. Whatever he's thinking about, whatever plan or something.  

And the message of his attire, his presentation, what would he hope that you take from that?

There is work to be done.  In any incarnation, he balances the side of Orajuna who says I shouldn't be too hard on myself.  He balances that on the other side, who is talking about the work.  Don't get too comfortable.  And I guess there is a perfect harmony between both, but that's not something that I'm... that's the path.  That's not something I'm shown.  I'm not being pulled in two different directions in an impossible way. (Sometimes I feel tempted to try to get myself through life as easily and comfortably as possible, perhaps because of how harsh I know life on Earth can be. As if I should mitigate the harshness as best I can and just get out safely!  He represents the need to not succumb to that desire, with the reminder that the whole purpose of being here is not to avoid difficulty or trials.)

May we ask why he wears the hard hat?

I don't even know if it's a hard hat.  It's like a metal helmet.  

Protective gear.

Cause he's just getting down and dirty.  It's the trenches, which is a lot of what (the choice of) lives on Earth involves.  And there's always a checklist, reasons that you chose something, to follow through with the pursuit.  It's like an incarnation is like a work day, and you show up to work.  You've gotta get it done.  (But) he's not harsh.

I like that he's next to diamond girl.  Such a contrast in approach, I like that.

Yeah, each one represents a different thing that I need to hear.  And they don't... There's no disagreement.  Their guidance fits like puzzle pieces for my puzzle.

If we move to the right of center, there will be another soul there I believe. Can you pick up on a male or female presentation there?

I don't know.  

Any quality of energy that you feel there?

(long pause) Security.  Some sort of protection.  Almost like the being behind it is not important.  (pause again)  It's like a... I don't know how to call it.  It's like a security guard, but not standing at a doorway.  It's a presence that is guarding.  (The closest image I receive of this being is similar to the soldier/guards in Alice in Wonderland which are humanized playing cards.  I know this is odd!  But I see it specifically enough to see the queen of hearts in the image presented by this being.)

We'll see if we can learn more about that.  Let's go to the very last one to your right now to see if we can get a sense of that quality or any presentation.

A small, small being.  Very mystical.  Funny, wise, like a tiny little hermit.  He's very happy.  

Male or female?

Male, but not a human male.  I don't know what to call it.  But it's definitely not quite a human body.  

Anything about the body that stands out to you?

Unassuming.  His power is intellect, deduction and thought.  Debate, consideration.

Is there something about Martha's life or moving into your current life, some principle that he'd like to bring up?

He's related to my constant seeking.  My constant questioning through every life, no matter what circumstance, I'm always asking questions and seeking to define... define existence in whatever way is possible.  

Does he have any initial commentary about the way you've been seeking?

It's not something to get done with.  The journey is the destination.  There should be just as much joy with questions as answers.  He supports my efforts, as long as they're done with balance. (I am particularly struck by the line about joy with questions.  He has shown me some way in which that is true, although it seems counterintuitive.  It is easy to see how obtaining information can lead to greater understanding of creation and praise of the One Creator, but further questions also expand the lack of understanding at the same time.  By definition, information without limit also necessitates questions without limit.  The joy of that equilibrium is an enlightened one.) (This being prefers to show me things via direct thought rather than though the speech utilized in the spirit world. Telepathic speech, of course, sounds like it's direct thought.  But it is still spoken, mentally.  This being transmits entire ideas all at once several times during the meeting.)

Let's see if they might give some feedback on the questions that you've prepared.  Does it seem like they're ready for that?

Yes.

(speaking)... The first question you have prepared is to ask them what the purpose of your current incarnation is. (more speaking)....

(I mentally correct the phrasing of the question. They acknowledge that I have not asked what the purpose of my current incarnation is, because I understand that it is to grow in love and light through service to others.  This is correct and no further elaboration will be made along these lines due to free will)
The question I posed was why did I choose my current incarnation.  I am reminded by Orajuna that I desired a more complex set of circumstances, more gray area, more pull, more pressures in different directions rather than black and white, A and B, of my previous life.  But I get from the council, an impression of leadership.  Not... not political, but in some way leadership.  But when I ask for clarity, I don't get it.  (This is another example of the layers of purpose in any particular lifetime, as evidenced by the different answers from my guide and the council.)

So your answer to the question about choosing seems to come from Orajuna and speak to the circumstances of the family you were born into, is that correct?  Where there were some echoes of the former structure that you used as Martha, but with a lot more stimulus?  Is that what Orajuna was talking about?

He points out that Martha's life and her work from a religious position presented a lot of black and white, and my current incarnation introduced many more shades of gray that are a challenge.  But the response to the question of why I chose it, from the council, I get some answer of some form of leadership that I exhibit in different ways that I should... that I expect of myself and that I have opportunity to do.  But I ask for clarity and I don't get it, at least not yet.

Ask about that part of you where you mentioned you love to investigate and experiment in different spiritual avenues, yet there's a part that wonders if it's wrong to veer off of your base Catholicism.  So in light of what we've learned today, might we ask if that feeling is rooted in your past as a nun?

Partially.  I also.... I have respect for my elders and I put a lot of weight in something before maybe leaving it behind.

Meaning your Mom and Dad raised you Catholic?

Yes, and others.  There's a fear.  The fear comes from the sum of all of it.  (I was raised with both sides of my extended family being Catholic.  In addition, I felt called to serve as an altar boy while young and was encouraged by the pastor to consider the priesthood many times.  That, combined with some deep seated fears of judgement, or being damned to hell for not following this religious path perfectly led to my reluctance to step away from the church.)

Ask how best to work with that whether seen as respect or dealing with it as a fear?

They say long ago I figured out how to be myself.  There's no need to question myself now.  

(next question) You would love to have feedback on any specific habits which are beneficial or detrimental to your mind/body/spirit?

The woman tells me that I should focus on creating, generating and sustaining light.  Whether in meditation or any time.  She says that will... rather, in hard times, I might fear my light is out, or was never there.  But if I nurture it... that's physical light, that's mental light, in every form... I focus on generating it, and feeding it, and spreading it outward in my meditation practice.  (long pause)  I'm also trying to perceive what the gentleman on the far left is saying.  (long pause)  He's tying onto what she said.  But his practical advice is avoiding energy saps, because that makes taking her suggestions extra hard.  When I focus on any of my typical things that I know I get... that I know don't serve my body or my mind or my spirit well.  (I am impressed by how expertly the council answered this question simultaneously with beneficial and detrimental habits by pointing out how they are intertwined!)

Are these more physical things, or mental habits?

Mental habits, obsession, planning, creating worry about an uncertain future.  (I also perceive various physical activities that have a similar effect, and am shown how to balance and or reduce them better.  His practical advice is given with the knowledge that I am not perfect, and some of these will be part of my life.  But some knowledge of this and some effort on my part will mean incremental improvement for the achievement of what was instructed previously.)

What is their advice when you catch yourself red-handed, either starting that train or in the middle of it, what's their advice, how can you turn that around?

They say Yogananda's advice is good, of redirecting the energy up to the third eye and the spine.  Send it there instead, and leave it.  (This is Yogananda's advice which I had read prior, in regard to managing physical urges.  I get the impression that it is partially effective, although a change in physical environment may also be necessary if the catalyst is external)

I would think the hermit might want to chime in, do you find that to be true?

He says in a funny way, “I don't need to speak to hear myself talk, but I'm glad you looked over.” (He shares, in some direct way, insight into how this works, why it works, and why it is good to make efforts to improve with it. Essentially, all energy is One energy, and redirecting it to these energy centers transitions the intention embodied in it, which is helpful if I am able to do so.  The energy may start with a negative or counterproductive characteristic, but because it is part of the One energy, I can infuse it with new intention and thus transform it.  It is within my sphere of influence to alter the energy this way, sometimes.)  (Again, this being shares the idea directly rather than “speaking”)

(next question, paraphrased) Would you like to ask if any one of these spiritual teachings you have pursued recently might be most beneficial taking you the furthest inward, and outward?

They say the common threads are my path.  And there is plenty of agreement to follow.  If I try to follow too closely to what someone else has learned or written or transcribed, I run the risk of a mistranslation.  That's true with Ra, that's true with Yukteswar, that's true with A Course in Miracles.

I would imagine that in your experience as Martha, you've lived at least that one time we know of, attempting to follow a prescribed path.  It seemed to serve you well, but it also seemed that there was that conversation afterward of opening up the stimulus.  Would that apply to this question as well?

I believe you're correct.  It's also my desire in using this mind and body to explore. (I have the impression that my current body/mind in this life is a particularly capable one and I desire to utilize it to the fullest.)  It's partially a byproduct of that.  But if I could combine Martha's courage to do her own thing with my much broader range of, call it information, that I could really do something nice, so to speak.  For myself.

You asked, Can I remove any impediments to my soul progress or to my service to others?

Finally the one in the center speaks again.  He says it takes maturity and courage but that I have to remove my desire to see help received properly.  That in life, my sphere of influence is merely with the giving of it, in whatever way, at whatever time.  Being of service, giving of aid, sharing of knowledge.  Sometimes, I hold back, because I want it to be conditional upon being received well or correctly.  I suppose that sometimes feels like it hurts in its own way.  If you render service to someone and it's not valued, it takes away from the service you gave.  It takes a great deal of self-assuredness to not be perturbed by that.  And to whatever extent I can give truly freely, not only without expectation of repayment, but without expectation of even it being properly received (that would be a good thing).  And my purpose (with service) is not to fix anything, it's to help that which is ready to be fixed, so to speak.  

Do you feel like he's encouraging you to do that more?  Without the concern that you articulated?

He's showing me degrees of being of service to others.  Some, at a lower level, would do so for their own benefit, some (others) do so for the good feeling of the other's benefit.  But the highest level is the unconditional love and giving that is associated with accepting whatever does or doesn't come afterward.  It's the true essence of being, of the giving, and it being complete.  Because the truth is that in time all giving will be received anyway.  So being concerned with an outcome or a reception is very short sighted.  All is well.  (While this encouragement to offer service without conditions might seem to be contradictory to earlier advice to know when to help and when to not intervene, it is not so.  The difference is the timing and desire of the other being.  I am called to offer service unconditionally, where able, to one who is in need and ready for it.  I should not be concerned with the outcome or reception in this case, because each is on their own path and not all will accept/utilize things in the most effective way.  I am likewise called to be content in loving another unconditionally if they are not ready or not seeking help, without forcing help/aid/teachings upon them.)

You ask, Why do I sometimes have such dark thoughts and how can I either stop them or handle them better?

There are two things at play.  I have, I get the sense that I have created some past karma related to my dislike of this place.  I have to learn to confront that fully.  But also, that is the presence of the other being at the table.  He is guarding.  

What was that?

The other being that has not spoken.  The one who is guarding.  That's his significance.  I guess the woman that said, pointed out that those of us that come from somewhere else, I guess the transit attracts attention, and the... all of the hope and intention and all that, why any being would come here that wasn't already here, and there is some form of protection involved.  But it's a group effort, including me.  

So is there a way for you to enlist that entity's protecting nature further?  Or is this an aspect of your Earthly identity to develop?  Or both?

I guess it's just a messy mix of some part karma with some other circumstances. (I see them blended together like a dark paste in some way)  I don't know if it's a... you know, other beings, some sort of like negatively polarized being, I can't discern if it's that, but there's something, that, call it a repelling force, that would... some beings won't come that that force notices (meaning some might choose not to come), and there's a bit of a magnetic tug of war at times.  But that overall, I'm protected and I have to make sure I do my part.

What is your part?

See things for what they are when they come up.  (I should observe thoughts when they arise and see when their origin is not connected to my higher true self.  I can then respond to them as needed, knowing their origin as not true.) I've done a reasonable job of it, but I have to be vigilant, because I think whatever this force is, plays off of whatever past karmic thing I've created.  I don't know if there was ever a suicide in my past...

Would you like to ask...?

Yes.  (softly) Yes, there was. (I have mental snapshots that I understand but choose not to repeat here.) (I have snapshots of desperate hopelessness, and a large knife or small sword at my neck.  The impression is that this was many lives ago.  I do not confront the remaining karma associated with this in every lifetime, as I can't detect it in Martha's life, nor the lifetime I visited in my past life regression.  It has come up in my current life, perhaps as an opportunity to finally work it out once and for all.) But the way forward is forward.  

Who says that?

Me.

(laughs) I was wondering if one of the entities said that, on the council.

No, it's me.  I guess as terrible as that is, it's understandable, that it's a risk that is run, especially changing circumstances in whatever way I did.

You are welcome to ask them if you would like, if there's something in particular in a past experience that's not been forgiven by the self, if there's something held there....

Do you mean in regard to the suicide?

Oh, did they show you a suicide?

Yes.

Oh I did not know that.  (My earlier statement “yes, there was” was a barely audible whisper.)

Yes, I have to be cautious with knives and swords.

So if it's karmic in nature, it would indicate that there's some unforgiveness toward the self for that.  Would any of them like to respond to that?

(long pause).  Yeah.  Since it's a crime against the self, it's definitely a very unique source of judgement.  And....

(Judy settles me as I have grown restless and uncomfortable)
Perhaps we can just simply ask if they have any advice for a good way to practice forgiving the self.  Do they have advice for how to directly apologize to that body and practice forgiving?

A mirror.  Use a mirror.  

Good.  And do you get an understanding of that?  Of what they're suggesting?

To use a mirror is, in addition to being inside yourself, but to see yourself externally.  And speak(ing), allows it... part of the forgiveness is not only being, but believing that I can or should be forgiven.  And if I see another being, even myself (Especially myself, in this case), tell me that... that is powerful.  So it is simultaneous giving and receiving.  I guess I am better at forgiving than feeling forgiven sometimes.

You ask, Is devotional prayer more effectively directed at one being (Christ, or a guide) or spread out to All?

The being on the right likes this question.

The hermit guy?

Yes.  He says that while I'm technically correct in my desire to broaden my focus always to the all, of the truth behind that.  But the human mind doesn't have the ability to truly embrace that.  And it's just as beneficial to wholly focus on one, or another, at any given time, with the recognition that they are part of the same all.  Nothing is not included, in the cosmic sense.  So my intellect has tripped up my practice.  (Smiling, and Judy laughs)

You ask, how does the spirit world I perceive in my LBL session relate to information from Ra and the Confederation.  Regarding specific categories, to soul development and the densities...

The channelings of Ra offered a lot of information.  Five books seems like a lot, but it was better divided among five hundred.  So in regard to soul development, not to get bogged down in some of the things with ray activation and such things, but rather to understand the common threads of progress.  (I perceive a lot of information which is extraordinarily difficult to sort out.  But I get no resistance to this line of questioning. I regret that we did not end up pursuing much further on these topics.) (The rays of color which I see within my own spirit form are related to the expressions of third density rays as mentioned by Ra.  A purely balanced activation along all possible colors would be the fullest way to express a third density existence.  Yet the beautiful, incredibly subtle differences among myself and the friends that I met with are also a beautiful part of our uniqueness and there is not a sense of “must have” for every single shade... rather it is the interplay of them together as a whole which is of greater importance.  Some incarnations might incorporate a goal to better express one particular ray, without having to run in a strict color progression (e.g. with blues, it's not that darker blues and purples are the only ones you are concerned with improving - there might be desire to hone aspects of red, yellow or green).) (long pause)  The second category, densities?  

Which might really be, I believe is similar to soul development but you see what comes.

(I perceived these two separately, as all of the colors and rays I referenced seeing in myself and other souls are all related specifically to 3rd density experience and development.  No distinction, as I am aware, exists between a being that has come to 3rd from 2nd, compared to coming from any other density.  The appearances still seem to relate to 3rd density work only.  I am unsure of how such color radiance might be employed in other densities and even though there is a sense of the existence of the others, I was quite firmly in one place.  I would define it as 3rd density time/space, or an astral spirit world, whichever is more helpful.)
There's a lot that we can't perceive with densities.  Because we already know we can perceive first, second and third all together, interacting freely.  So drawing lines between higher ones is not helpful.  There's some sense of that being involved with some of the travel that I did, to come to work here.  But more important is to see how they work together.  (I understand that higher density beings are more able to see the interconnectedness of higher densities with our own.  Much like we can see the interplay of first, second and third all together without delineation, they can do that from whatever their particular vantage point might be.  I believe that this becomes easiest at sixth, after which a being begins to be more concentrated on undoing any sense of separateness at all and merging into one.  The most relevant aspect of higher densities to this session is that there is a desire to progress.  Each spirit's growth/polarization/understanding that is required to progress will be dictated by wherever they happen to be (third, fourth, etc).  One who came from fifth to third, for example, must work through many third density things, almost as if a formality, although they may legitimately get tripped up in the process.  This is possible because there is a large degree of forgetting involved, similar to entering a new physical body from the spirit world.  However the third density work/progression is like a side note to the higher density progress being made concurrently.  I believe that said fifth density being would have a fifth density self to return to after completion of the temporary (however long that may be) work in third density.  Just like we have a physical body we inhabit and then shed when we die, this entity would be able to shed the third density spirit body it had to inhabit for it's work.  Although it sounds like death on Earth, I believe it is not the same in the spirit world although the function is similar.)

I'll ask, if the information might be useful for you to understand who you are, if your soul has come to Earth from fourth density existence, fifth density existence, a sixth, or third?

(long pause) The woman tells me, “You come from where I come from.”

Where is that, does it have a name?

It's like a realm of light, in some way.  (long pause) (I do not communicate my impression of a fifth density, light being, with strong desire to move to sixth.  The specific character of the light (As if a “cool”/bluish bright white white) she radiates is signature of fifth, I am led to believe.  There was a determination made that the most effective way to make this transition was through work in the third density, yielding the 3rd density spirit form I have.  The wisdom gained from previous work must be put to use and balanced with compassion and perfect love to achieve the harmony of sixth density.  Earth and the spaces which relate to it offer strong opportunities for the integration which is my goal.) (I believe that her jewelry may not be actually radiating light as a light source per se.  The tiny diamonds are like windows to the fifth density and allow its light to shine through into this one.  Perhaps this is why/how she retains her fifth density form in this space?) She cautions me to not be confused by a numbering, or a sequence.  That each offers its own gifts and each is equal in the scope of the creation that we are in.  It's a very third density concept to think of a hierarchy.  But the progression....  (no recollection of where this thought leads)

Let's breathe with her, just to the core of everything and take in that light that she generates, and feel the light generated from within your own self.  Let's go back to the light.  Perhaps we could ask her what she thinks about using the music the way you do at this time, to serve others?  (I am a professional musician in my current life.)

She says that it works just like I picture it.  But also cautions that when I get disheartened, it's because I see it not being received the way I desired, and that's part of what I am working on, as we described.  The service has to be enough on its own.  But the... all music is just sound energy, which is light energy.  It's part of why I've always been drawn to lights, and the visual component of music.  (pause)  I ask her if all music is equally effective because of my own concern about the impact of my own efforts in life.  She said the difference is the intention, and only the intention.  Reaching more is not better than reaching fewer.  And even seemingly reaching none is ok.  (I can perceive the energetic effects of musical energy, how it spreads, and how it saturates other beings.  These effects do not always show in physical form, but I am encouraged by seeing the positive impact on each space and the beings present in it.  I understand the value in this work as part of my work in this life.)

Would you like to ask any more specific questions regarding astral planes, Ra etc (paraphrased)

I ask if all of these things coexist.  And they say yes, effectively.  I have so much curiosity about the other aspects of this world, this astral world, which is related to, but not identical to, the one that Yukteswar spoke of.  (I can sense the planet, Hiranyaloka, as mentioned by Yogananda, almost as if “that way,” with a point to my left by my council when I ask about it.  It is there, but each being has a place for it's own purpose and own time.  It is real, though clearly not my place, as I am here) (I am only seeing a tiny, tiny, fraction of this spirit world... only what I need for this session).  And the concept of the time/space something that Ra or the Confederation exists (in) is in some interesting in-between combination of several things.  (I perceive movement with ease between space/time and time/space as described by Ra, as well as different layers of densities among them that all interplay in complicated ways that I do not understand.)  (I suspect that Ra, being of sixth density, has extensive knowledge that a third or even fifth density version of myself would still not quite grasp. In reviewing Ra material since my session, I discovered that they point out that fifth density beings still often use some form/variation of technology to travel, something that most sixth density beings no longer require.  This would also be consistent with my previous references to the travel I did to come here being relevant to my experience.  I suppose a sixth density being could travel more directly and easily, not garnering the attention that was referenced as well.  These are impressions I have settled on with some, although not absolute certainty.)

Did you want to ask if A Course in Miracles is accurately from Christ?

It is an accurate channeling of the energy, spirit and love of Jesus Christ.  But through an imperfect scribe, as is often the case.  Which is why discernment is key.  (I get the impression that the wordiness of ACIM, which has bogged me down many times, is unnecessary and a byproduct of an imperfect scribe.  It can be condensed, significantly, but also communicates effectively for whomever can make it though.  There's a bit of humor here!)  It is a good source for study with regard to the love densities and understanding of what is involved in that space.

(Judy summarizes the council, and asks some questions.)  The one in the center, likes your questions, seems to like the way you question... I'm wondering if he serves as a kind of, integrator?

Yes.

And we have that beautiful woman, with the diamond jewelry, the white light, the generating of light from within, saying that you are from the same place that she is.  It seems to bring things back to the giving and letting go of the ideas of how what you have to give will be received.  Is she gonna give you that necklace?

(laughs) She jokes, “They can't handle that there.”

But there's a beautiful, beautiful sense that all is right, it's all light.  And then there's that guy on the end there, with his hard hat on or whatever it is.  In the trenches on Earth, bringing it back to what's “real” and practical.  I love the combination of those two side by side.  Maybe you need to get a hard hat and a diamond necklace?  Wear them together?  etc...

His form almost... almost looks like an ant.  Not a literal ant, but, so interesting.  

And there's a sense of a guard there, that we think is related to a kind of protection that you might have, that travels with you?  

Yes.

We think that the way to strengthen that is to face the old inner things that may give darkness a foothold, and in this case, they seem to allude to a suicide in the past, which might relate to an unforgiveness of the self if it still has a foothold.  And there was that practice put forward of looking in the mirror as kind of a self but not self and practicing that exchange of love and forgiveness.  And then we got that cool little hermit on the end, who seems to hold the wisdom of everything, but not going to talk about it too much (laugh).  Overall, it appears that (....) to remember first of all the light and the love and bringing that here to serve and to be attentive to the reactions that might cut that off or hinder it.  In this case it seems to be working on the desire for what you have to give to be used right or well, and they seem to be saying that's none of your business (laughs) and don't let that stop or hinder or...

It's like conditional giving.  That's what that's like.

I would guess there is wisdom in not giving a child a sharp knife, right?  But I would assume maybe perhaps you've developed over-caution in that area, since they don't seem to be bringing that part up of the equation.  Maybe its the part of your personality you've brought up of over-planning, worrying, perhaps you cover those kinds of things in your mind already, the cautionary things.  And they just want you to come back to “this is what you've got, this is why you're here, go ahead and do it, give it.”  Would that be accurate?

I think a large part of what they share with me is to make me more comfortable in my own form, my own skin.  I say openly that I wish I could get some more concrete way to know that I'll be effective in whatever my path is.  I don't know if I will get an answer to that.

..... so you'd like to know if you could have a concrete way to gauge if you're being effective?  

Yes, with my life.  With my usage of this life. (pause)  They say what I'm asking for is an infringement of free will.  Everyone's sort of laughing that I would pose such a question from such a transparent place. (I can perceive, as always that my being is transparent in every way, including intention, and the council can see it clearly.  I understand this and also laugh a bit with a “you caught me” sort of humor.) (I asked the question knowing that I would not be permitted to get an answer, but made an attempt to disguise it by my wording.)

Well they know what it's like down here.  It's a b**** sometimes, you know?  Sometimes we just have those questions, you know?  Maybe they could offer some idea.... what would it feel like for you when your presence here on Earth, your service, is helping?

That's a good question. (I ask it.) (long pause) (This question is answered because the intention is different than the preceding one.  Instead of asking for something that I may use for direction about the future, I am asking something that can inform me in the present.  It is only afterwards that I might use my own insight along these lines to make different choices.)  They say I will have “enough”.  Meaning I will feel that I have balance, I will feel that I have enough resources, I will feel that I have enough joy, of contentment...(Included in this is the feeling of making a difference in some way, the feeling of being able to expand my awareness in wisdom and understanding, etc.)  That's how I will know if I am being effective.  And if I truly perceive lack in some area, then I should seek to correct it and my effectiveness will be maximized.  (pause) I don't know who said it, but somebody, might've been Orajuna, said that I know right where I'm coming back afterwards, so don't be too afraid on the way.  (There should be no fear of failure, because there are only varying shades of success in each incarnation.  There will be no failure no matter what.  If I embrace this, I will be free to achieve some of the highest successes in this life.)

Say that again?

At the end of my life I know where I'm going.  So I shouldn't fear the journey.  I shouldn't fear the conclusion of the journey.  My most effectiveness is in embracing it.  

Speaking of Orajuna, would you like to ask him if you have other guides?

He says in a way, everyone on this council is my guide.  And my friends, in my group, are my guides.  Maria and I agree to guide each other.  Like bumpers, if you go bumper bowling.  Keep you from going in the gutter. (You might not get them all, but you'll at least knock a couple pins down!)  But he's, in the traditional sense, my closest guide.  

Orajuna, Mark expected to feel a much closer bond with you after his last regression.  He wonders what might be in the way of that, or is that available?

There are many facets... the nature of much of what I'm doing is independent work.  It's by collective understanding.  But as my guide he is always there and if I communicate or seek without any conditions, then I can perceive his presence when needed, but only in accordance with what we already have as an understanding.  None of it to be confused with not being present.  

Orajuna, Mark wants to know why when he first perceived you, it was behind him as indigo and older, and when you came around the front, it was younger and golden.  Why those two differences?  (This is in reference to how my guide presented during my prior past life regression.)

Every one served a purpose.  My analysis was generally right, but with a bonus of confusing me a bit and getting me to not place too much importance on any appearances... other than to communicate what he desired to communicate.  He understands my desire to not create a stumbling block.  (My analysis was that Orajuna predominantly showed me a golden yellow body, physically much like my own.  I later suspected that I was seeing what is referred to as a 3rd density, yellow ray body, which is how our chemical body is defined by Ra.  He repeatedly impressed our similarity upon me during that past life regression and this helped to achieve that.  I came to see him as a friend rather than a strict teacher of some type.)  

Is there a form he's using in this moment with you?

He's just this... such an interesting dark... purply form... it's neither that he showed before (in my past life regression.)  He also says that was a different space, a different place, because our purpose was different.  

So in those moments where you are reaching out to him, is there a particular imagery that would be most connective?

I get some... resistance to the concept of shifting my gaze upward and picturing him.  

So do you think more feel or sound?

Yes. (I can think of him, respectfully (not casually), by name, or I may feel him sit in meditation with me if I choose.)

Is there anything else you would like to ask Orajuna or any of the entities at the table here?

(I had not planned this question, but it came out without deliberation.)
What is our relationship to the Creator? (I am immediately stunned.  The answer comes in the form of a vision or experience which I can barely begin to describe.  I see seemingly all of creation... literally everything, big and small, physical, non-physical, come at me as a mass and I merge into it.  I perceive the perfect completeness of this as well as the perfect completeness of each individual piece, down to the smallest of particles.  The smallest is of infinite size and the combination of all is infinitely small at the same time.  It is perfectly uniform, homogenous in its varied perfection.  I am one piece, I am all, and I am also so infinitely small as to almost be nothing at all, and there is no contradiction in the experience.  I understand, though direct experience, the Oneness of things.  I am not surprised that the more words I try to use here, the less effective I am.) (long pause, nearly a full minute-  I am overcome with emotion and feel tears down my face)
I can't begin to describe that answer.  Other than, we are one, and we are loved.  And we grow closer all the time.  We are not separate.  But it was not expressed in words.  (another 30 second long pause) I am... I am bowing, in thanks.  (long pause again) (I recognize that I have been given this as a gift.  I fall to my knees and bow in my spirit form in front of my council.  I still cannot begin to describe the complete awe of this experience.)

Before we leave, is there anything else you would like to say to Orajuna?

(whispered) Thank you, my friend.  (I experience a deep gratitude, bow and embrace with Orajuna, wholly and completely thankful, and in loving awe.)

5:19:07

(Judy returns me to my physical body over 10 more minutes and our session ends.)