How do STS-beings meditate?

[Asolsutsesvyl]

I think meditation which relaxes the mind can be done independently of polarity, just like efforts aimed at physical relaxation. Different mental efforts, meditative or not, which build the ability to focus and concentrate, are likewise neutral in themselves. Differences would enter in what the abilities of the mind are applied towards, when they are applied towards something, like others have described above.

I had been working on myself toward ascension. This comes with increasing your own power, wisdom and compassion.

Is it STS to work towards ascension? I don't really have a group to work with.

I don't want a bunch of powers, but I would like to live off light and raise the vibration of my body toward love and light.

I do disagree that increase in personal power is purely a negative thing. But I could be wrong.

Various spiritual teachings contain warnings associating the self-centered use of spiritual energy or power with negativity. I'm not going to try to categorize your efforts (I don't really know enough to do that), though I can point to a few general ideas.

Carl Jung pointed out that "people do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious". I.e., it doesn't really do anything useful to imagine stuff turning into light, even though in the short term it can feel as if something is happening. Significant transformations of consciousness involve experience going beyond imagination, bringing about change through what is experienced - the inner landscape changing through experience.

Doubt or dissatisfaction can be signals about the need for new types of exploration. Basically, your mind at a higher level may have grown tired of the repeating messages of "turn me into love and light now", and if so, maybe it can lead you on a journey towards discovering in some more immediate sense what it means to become more light in mind and loving in heart. Perhaps looking for patterns of clues, or inspiration, in a personal way can help.

It's weird, but I feel even when I send love to others and energetically help others that it's self-serving.

Maybe there's a mismatch between understanding at a higher level and what you have in mind at this level? It could be that a part of you is trying to reach through and bring a broader or different perspective. Maybe a more open-ended contemplation would help in arriving at something new, and through that, figuring out what it's about.