Empathy

[Diana]

How do I stop being overwhelmed with the problems of others?

I find it difficult to tend to my own needs and life in general.

also they may continue to not help themselves
So there's also some frustration/anger for me to deal with.

I want to do so many things. but I'm distracted and overwhelmed.

I hear you. This is what I do:

1. Unplug from the media. You won't be bombarded with all the suffering/problems in the world (to say nothing of the sensationalism and hyperbole) 24/7.

2. Have things to focus on. In my case, it's my work, and I also have creative pursuits. The things you want to do are important. Ultimately, they are your gifts to the world. So make a plan on how to start executing those things. For example, if you want to do photography, start by building a website so you can share your art with the world. 

But, it's more than that. Organizing your life effectively involves accepting necessary tasks, and executing goals and honoring them. It's an attitude. My attitude is to do everything in my life to the best of my ability. Even cleaning a house. That may sound exhausting, but it isn't. The truth is, when we go around doing things "we have to do," and unconsciously resenting it, that is more exhausting than accepting the task and doing your best at it. Here is a very short article that may inspire:

http://warriorspirit.net/what-is-a-warrior-spirit/

3. Commune with nature. This is very important, even if it is only going outdoors and looking at the sky.

4. Practice will power. Decide what you want to do in life, and keep coming back to that like a mission statement. 

5. Learn how to say "no." This is important. It's not a simple issue. The responsibility to manage your own boundaries is only on you. And if you don't manage your own boundaries, you will resent (not meaning to) the things that you really don't want to do, or that mess up the time you should be spending on your own stuff. Now there is resentment and possibly guilt for the resentment and it snowballs from there. Here is an exercise from a book I wrote about boundaries:

If you have trouble saying no, try this:

For one week, say no to everything (within reason). You can use the excuse that you are doing an exercise, if this is too uncomfortable. Blame it on a book you’re reading (this one!). The point of this exercise is to experience how it feels. By saying “no,” you will feel the relief from certain things you really did not want, or have the time, to do. This will jumpstart your ability to make good time-management decisions without emotional responses.

6. Make sure to exercise. Continual low-key stress causes a constant fight-or-flight response in the body. It's important to process the chemicals released from the stress, which is normally done with movement (running from a predator or fighting for survival).

7. Develop detachment. If you do help someone, practice letting your help completely go. See your help as a gift which is given freely with no thought of return, or even acknowledgment. That way whatever the person does with your help, such as ignore it, it won't affect you. 

I don't mean to make any of this sound easy. Just take small steps toward what you want your life to be. It's not selfish to do this. It is very challenging being empathic in this suffering world. It's so easy to get out of balance, because the suffering overwhelms and pulls us into focusing on it. The truth is there is also a lot of beauty in this world. That's why the focus is so important. If you can stay focused on yourself and your goals, helping where it's appropriate and not being attached to an outcome of that help, I don't say it will be easier, but you will feel better about it all.