How to turn anger in love

[Diana]

Here is the missing link I believe in my understanding. Let anger develop mentally!!! What does this means? I see only two kinds of reaction when angry. The first reaction is to act physically calmly or violently against an abuser.  Second reaction is to shut down your physical reaction and keep anger mental but isn't this what causes effects on your body? Some people scream their way through life with zero level of stress verbally abusing their way around just because they feel like it and others keep everything inside out of consideration for others including the abusers. How is this mental anger developing because in my case it doesn't, it just changes from anger to darker feelings. Instead of fighting for a fairer world just let it go all to hell. How anger evolves mentally and not become sadness or lack of hope which on its own is some kind of evolution?  I want to see anger evolving positively not negatively but in my case never does?
This mental evolution of anger in a positive attitude eludes me even though I know clearly it is my fault primarily because I am sensitive to events which do not concern me and should not really affect me.

Here is my take on that particular aspect of anger.

Practice acting, not reacting. Take a pause, such as a deep breath, before reacting to conflicts that arise. Or count to three, or any way of centering yourself. Being reactive is not being conscious. Acting is being conscious—making a conscious choice. Reacting is not a conscious choice—it is simply a response to another's choice.

In this way, by practicing acting and not reacting, you not only pave the way for better use and transformation of anger, you also make more conscious choices.