04-27-2019, 11:20 AM
I get your frustration, from the point of view of boundaries, a possible feeling of betrayal, and not wanting to hurt someone.
I can only relate how I deal with this sort of thing. As a little background, I treat all things with honor and respect, even inanimate things. I also learned a long time ago that my feelings, awareness, understanding, and comprehension are not the same as others'.
What I know, in my world, is that expecting others to understand what I understand is an expectation that will disappoint. Expectations always do, in one way or another. So, my philosophy (and I realize you asked for an answer from the POV of the LOO and I have no reference to any passages) is to just let things go and accept they may not come back. I make my choice before lending something, whether or not I'm willing to let it go. If the borrower returns it, good. If they don't or it's damaged, also good. Because the choice was made when I gave it to the borrower to use. I make the action of lending rest completely on me, and let the results be what they are—because I can't control what others' are or do.
Once I started seeing lending and giving this way, there was still disappointment (in human behavior) but I don't get angry because I have reached a state of acceptance. When I was in my early 20's, for example, I angrily confiscated a piece of artwork I did from my mother's wall that I gave to her, because I felt she wasn't taking care of it (and she wasn't—the frame had no glass, it was dusty, etc.). Now when I give, there is no attachment. And if I lend something there is no attachment, because I cannot control another person's actions, or expect them to understand my conditions. So the bottom line is that lending and giving are unconditional, and it's on me to choose whether or not I will lend or give.
I can only relate how I deal with this sort of thing. As a little background, I treat all things with honor and respect, even inanimate things. I also learned a long time ago that my feelings, awareness, understanding, and comprehension are not the same as others'.
What I know, in my world, is that expecting others to understand what I understand is an expectation that will disappoint. Expectations always do, in one way or another. So, my philosophy (and I realize you asked for an answer from the POV of the LOO and I have no reference to any passages) is to just let things go and accept they may not come back. I make my choice before lending something, whether or not I'm willing to let it go. If the borrower returns it, good. If they don't or it's damaged, also good. Because the choice was made when I gave it to the borrower to use. I make the action of lending rest completely on me, and let the results be what they are—because I can't control what others' are or do.
Once I started seeing lending and giving this way, there was still disappointment (in human behavior) but I don't get angry because I have reached a state of acceptance. When I was in my early 20's, for example, I angrily confiscated a piece of artwork I did from my mother's wall that I gave to her, because I felt she wasn't taking care of it (and she wasn't—the frame had no glass, it was dusty, etc.). Now when I give, there is no attachment. And if I lend something there is no attachment, because I cannot control another person's actions, or expect them to understand my conditions. So the bottom line is that lending and giving are unconditional, and it's on me to choose whether or not I will lend or give.
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