Trying to love the present.

[RitaJC]

I go for meditation walks or play guitar and get distracted thinking/fantasizing about the person I intend to become and the life I want to live, and lose all presence in the now.
So I'm trying to find the love in each moment. I struggle to. I think a piece of me is afraid to. When I try surrenduring to the moment and just loving the moment I want to cry, partially because of the beauty in it, but partially because of the pain that comes from everything that isn't and everything I want in my life but feel I don't have. When I stop thinking/fantasizing about the future in my head, I have to face the loneliness of the present. And I want to learn to love the present moment, but it's hard to fall in love with the present, I guess because where I'm at seems so painful. But I realize my life really isn't that bad, I'm just really lonely and hurt. But I still struggle with learning to love the moment. Does anybody have any advice for me to be able to overcome this hurdle?

Dear soul!

If it feels good to imagine yourself as you want to be why stop that? Isn't you imagining yourself to be who you want to be (and I believe actually are) your present? The feelings you experience when you stop that and return to your old beliefs that created the present appearances don't serve anybody. They don't feel good because they are based on lies about who you are.

Let me know if you'd like to have another live chat. We could concentrate on this. When it was revealed to me what it really means to love the present my whole life experience changed and a suicidal depression went away never to return