Orange and yellow chakra development part 2

[loostudent]

The feeling that you can't shine in society is perhaps just how you perceive yourself at a moment where you might be tired [ family and a job do that to you ] and then it may come as exhausting to simply 'be' social.

I am just saying that because when I was a child and a teen and like a young twenty yrs I was tongue tied so often, and so shy and feeling that being in society was so difficult.. everyone was wittier, everyone was more charming, everyone had interesting things to say and I didn't and I would find myself gross and obnoxious. I would plod on though. Then one day I met by chance a girl who had been in school with me in my class,  we were in a school that covered all elementary, middle and high school, so we got to know all of us well.  And we started to chat and I talked openly of all of my weaknesses and she said, omg flo we all thought you were shy, and lonely but so cute, and so funny, we all liked you enormously but just thought you wanted to be left alone.

It  was  like looking back at numerous years of your life and thinking  OMG I missed all that !!!  lol

So it's just a thought you might be thinking about...    you might shine way more than you think lol

Thank you flo! I used to feel the same but now I don't have any need for being in the spot light. And I'm not interested in worldly conversations. That's why I rather write with you all in this forum ... I just want to be left alone and express myself in art or perform music with someone (I used to draw pictures, compose music and play in a band). Or ponder on something, write, receive feedback, come to realization ... It's just that the things that I like to do don't have any significant time and place in my life. Its difficult to make a living out of it and I don't even have a chance to commit myself ... I gave up some essential part of me. It didn't blossom. That's what I meant with "I can't shine". It's because I can't simply be some kind of bohemian artist, mystic or thinker. I don't want to abandon my family. I love my family and I want to be a loving husband and father.