Cleverness

[ada]

That's kind of a special 'thing' in my own life and my best friend's life.

We were both once gullible and were seen as fools or were taken advantage of by third density locals who were so much into this ''cleverness'' that has never been able to drive the likes of us.
So yeah, it was hurtful and eventually made us cynical..  but we often try to brighten up our perception consciously and practice faith.

Although words can mean different things. and this one probably has a negative charge for me because of personal experiences.

Very sorry to hear that Cainite, faith is a really good way back to center, or truth.

It's alright, mate.. I'm sure things happened for good reasons. thanks for understanding.

Although now I probably need help and guidance. I'm tired of borrowing money to live from my mother.
I'm cut off from society like the Hikikomori in japan.
Most of my social interactions happen in this forum.
Perhaps I should post a thread and ask more specific questions there.


Anyway, I tell that friend of mine ''we're guests here.. everyone can't be wanderers or come from less distorted planets''
I did talk about this recently in another thread.  the problem is our own lack of acceptance of the distortions that are common among humans.

Yes, these are tough lessons of this third density.
I admire your honesty to talk about these difficulities of experience.
And I imagine many more feel confused and hold unto faith, through an open heart we may heal each other.

Bring4th has already helped me on different occasions.. the members have taught me some important stuff not just with words, but with action. and believe it or not, I've been healing through the years.. with the help of the forum.

Some years ago around 2015 I think.. I was getting on top of everything. I suddenly had become an artist who's comfortable with groups and could write poetry with little effort. also my drawing skills improved madly. my guitar skills didn't change much as I didn't practice at all but I was suddenly doing a lot better vocals with this newly found confidence.

a bit before that, I had received this thought that soon I'm finding answers to many things.. a great treasure. which turned out to be the Ra Material of course.. I dived into love and unity but that led to my overstimulation I think, and then the negative path for one or two weeks and at last my downfall.
My first and only psychotic episode happened and when the anxious crazy s*** passed and deep depression/catatonia/etc begun.. I messaged a member here and asked guidance about suicide. begged him to confirm that I would die if I did this or that. I had already failed once at taking my life.
But I also knew it would destroy my loved ones so I suffered through the deep depression in the darkness of my tomb. lost some hair too.. my teeth also was being damaged by the crazy amount of medicine that couldn't help me at all.


My mother would come home and turn the lights on..and I was motionless somewhere in the dark. before that
I haunted the house, holding my hands up for some reason like a Kangaroo. constantly feeling an intense dissatisfaction and fear that had no cause also I would see faces everywhere. but then I was hospitalized and after getting out I had turned my room into a grave. every day it got deeper. I thought if I'm not allowed to be granted death then I shall stimulate it right here.

Anyways, that member was really concerned.. I saw it in one of his particular PMs. that was maybe one of the few beautiful things I saw in that period. which still warms my heart. and has been enlightening/inspiring.. I guess it is the effect of higher rays or clear rays anyway.  

You can PM me if you just want someone to talk to one day, and thank you for sharing Cainite.  

You too!  


Sorry about the off topic posts. I'm going to stop that now. 

You are wonderful, everyone's just wonderful.