I had a best friend for over a decade who cut me out. It was absolutely cold, harder on me than any of the family deaths I've had because it was something I felt I should have had some control over. I now never have the gumption to stand up for myself even when someone SHOULD be cut; I only ghost or try maintain shallow contact when required.
I feel that cinema has crafted this image of the dramatic scene where people cut ties with each other... dramatizing avoidance instead of actionable solutions or just patience. So it is that I don't seek close relationships with people who bring my energy down but I still permit them in and out of my life unless they're exceptionally dangerous. And most people, I feel, don't have people in their lives who are dangerous so much as just annoying.
Abusive narcissist? Yes! Cut them out! Shallow conversationalist with very different interests who never goes anywhere you find stimulating? Have a five minute chat with them at Christmas dinner or when you bump into them at the grocery store because you both run out of bread at about the same time and oh my gosh isn't that funny, have you tried her SPIN CLASS YET...
Let's be fair, some people are awful and should be cut. Others are just mismatched with your personality.
Yet I, after being very hurt by something my next best friend did, got over myself, call her back, and fix it.
It seems to me to be a violation of free will and causality to say 'I will never speak to this person again'. I have people I don't like and never let them know this. Instead, I simply change how my life is scheduled to decrease the chances I will run into their influence and remain polite and hospitable if we do meet again. If there is conflict and that conflict is unnecessary, I usually chose to bend and flex around it.
And people are always changing. So you know what's best for you in the moment and if what's best for you is to not be around their energy, then don't. But maybe they'll drift back in. You really can't know what the future has in store.
I feel that cinema has crafted this image of the dramatic scene where people cut ties with each other... dramatizing avoidance instead of actionable solutions or just patience. So it is that I don't seek close relationships with people who bring my energy down but I still permit them in and out of my life unless they're exceptionally dangerous. And most people, I feel, don't have people in their lives who are dangerous so much as just annoying.
Abusive narcissist? Yes! Cut them out! Shallow conversationalist with very different interests who never goes anywhere you find stimulating? Have a five minute chat with them at Christmas dinner or when you bump into them at the grocery store because you both run out of bread at about the same time and oh my gosh isn't that funny, have you tried her SPIN CLASS YET...
Let's be fair, some people are awful and should be cut. Others are just mismatched with your personality.
Yet I, after being very hurt by something my next best friend did, got over myself, call her back, and fix it.
It seems to me to be a violation of free will and causality to say 'I will never speak to this person again'. I have people I don't like and never let them know this. Instead, I simply change how my life is scheduled to decrease the chances I will run into their influence and remain polite and hospitable if we do meet again. If there is conflict and that conflict is unnecessary, I usually chose to bend and flex around it.
And people are always changing. So you know what's best for you in the moment and if what's best for you is to not be around their energy, then don't. But maybe they'll drift back in. You really can't know what the future has in store.
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