A most unusual problem...

[TTP]

Thank you all for the warm welcome and thoughtful replies!

I have been busy over the past few days and unable to reply but I read all of them right away and have been thinking them over.

JustAThought, thanks for sharing your similar experience.  I did not mention in my original post that I believed previous incarnation issues were also possible and your belief that your issues stem from them also has me leaning in that direction.

I believed they were possible because I had a dream one night after reading a Law of One section on the service-to-self path, specifically on how they often had a mentor.  In my dream I was a child in an elite family, and I seemed to be in some kind of disturbing service-to-self conditioning program with other children.  We all were very afraid of our teacher and under extreme stress, the atmosphere felt like the one in the movie "Get Out" if you've ever seen it.  I showed up late and underdressed to one of our sessions and was very afraid of what the teacher would do, however all he did was take me aside and gave me a gift, and I had a sense that he would become my mentor.  I felt that at that point I decided to embrace the service to self path, fearing what would happen to me if I did not embrace it.  

Although there was nothing new in the dream that I have not read about, that my mind could not have invented, it was extremely vivid and I felt an overwhelming sense of self throughout the dream, as well as emotion and feeling of it being a significant moment for me that carried through until I woke up.  I felt immediately that it was a past-life, and though I felt an immense sense of regret at choosing the service to self path and horror at what choices that could have led to, remembering the intense fear of what would happen to me if I did not choose the service-to-self path allowed me to forgive myself for that choice.

Nia, I have great parents and had a pretty insulated childhood.  Other than not having many friends I'm almost positive there was no trauma, but if my dream above was a past-life then I think it's highly likely there was some childhood trauma in my previous incarnation.  

Nau7ik, thank you very much for sharing your ideas and experience as well.  I do think that it could be from a range of different reasons, likely related to a previous life, and strongly agree meditation is the only way to narrow it down.  Your response strengthened my will to explore my past lives and get in touch with my higher self, and led to a very interesting meditation session last week.  I'm not quite sure how one explores their past lives, but I felt it could be related to the gateway to intelligent infinity that Ra speaks of.  I tried to meditate upon reaching that in order to explore my past lives, and I felt I came close due to my extreme will to resolve this issue.  I was very joyful as Ra explained one would feel upon reaching intelligent infinity, and although I didn't exactly feel like I was the One Infinite Creator, I felt what seemed like a faint memory of what that would feel like.

Cannon, thank you for the link, I read it and found it very interesting.  I have done a fair amount of research into health as a result of my condition and I agree with a lot of what this article said, and would note that even conventional medicine is starting to support some related treatments like nerve stimulators, only the expensive ones though. I have not read much into holistic treatments and have never tried them (have tried many supplements though) so if anyone has experience with them please share.