Disintegration of the personality

[Sacred Fool]

What you describe, n_a, is the classic out-of-phase feeling people get in a society which can no longer initiate its youth into adulthood. In ages past, through military service or religious ritual or something, youth were taught that it was now time to take on different responsibilities. It was time to think, not just of yourself and your family of origin, but to become integrated into the larger society and begin to create your own family.

In a time when the initiation process has broken down, youth are expected to figure this out for themselves, but that's about as logistically tenable as "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps." Some things require community participation and sanction, but that route is lost to you.

So, look ahead for yourself. Envision for yourself the responsibilities you would assume, the mask you would wear. (Mask = persona = personality.) Best of luck, kid!