It's such a tough question.
I have the same issue as you.
If I meditate because I love love, peace, and joy, is that positive or negative?
It would seem that achieving joy and love for myself is self-serving.
I don't know how to achieve joy and love for others.. I wouldn't know where to start. Sometimes people ask me for help in that department and I'm delighted to help.
But most of the time I'm inner focused and what motivates me is the feeling of peace, love, and joy.
I want to feel love for others not necessarily to serve them but because it feels good. Is this negative?
Serving others is such a tarpit as well because how do you even know if you're serving them? Is it service to just be a slave and do whatever they tell you, recognizing the god within them but ignoring the god within yourself?
Is it service to serve in the way you enjoy serving.. but that doesn't feel like service because that kind of service is so joyful and fun. I'm not sacrificing anything to serve in a way that I enjoy serving.
It's so confusing.
Everything in the LOO makes loads of sense to me except for STS and STO which I find utterly incomprehensible.
Since All is One, serving the self is serving the all. So often I've said to myself that I should serve myself sometimes and others at other times - both are God - but Ra says that this will negate my polarity and put me in the sinkhole of indifference.
The most rational and seemingly productive choice on Earth in Western society is to serve yourself maybe like 60% of the time and then to serve others in the rest. It's like the doctors who do pro bono work. They've dedicated their lives to healing, but they also charge for their healing so it's not like they are being completely selfless. You could say that doctors only charge to enable them to stay in business but this isn't true - all doctors are capable of enjoying the fruits of their labour and do enjoy them. Lots of doctors are motivated to both help people and enrich themselves, and through this love-of-self they are able to serve others.
You have incredibly selfish people who end up doing far more good for humanity than selfless. Bill Gates got his wealth by being very selfish, but now he has the power to help humanity more than anyone. Even when he was being selfish he wasn't particularly destructive - at the very least he did offer relatively useful products to people in exchange for their money.
Anyway I'm come to the conclusion that I am completely and utterly confused by the idea of STS and STO.
To me there is only one concept that makes sense - service to all. That means service to the Creator in all forms, including myself, including others. Doing both service to myself and serving others. I enjoy both forms of service. I don't have to subjugate others when I serve myself, but I do necessarily take away from time serving them.
For instance let's say I serve myself by going and playing golf and having fun and relaxing. I could be spending this time helping African children build wells. I'm not hurting anyone by playing golf and I'm not enslaving anyone - I don't particularly want to enslave anyone - but I'm also not helping.
Do STO people justify every self-serving action by saying that it will allow them to help others eventually? e.g. "I golf because it lets me recharge my batteries and help others more" <-- I find this unlikely. You golf because you enjoy it in itself, for it's own sake. To me, saying you golf to recharge your batteries to help others sounds like a rationalization more than anything.
So yeah.
And finally, there is always the lingering issue where, "If I choose to be service to others because Ra says I need polarity to be harvested, am I just doing it for myself because I want to be part of a world that is 100x more harmonious? Isn't that STS?"
I have the same issue as you.
If I meditate because I love love, peace, and joy, is that positive or negative?
It would seem that achieving joy and love for myself is self-serving.
I don't know how to achieve joy and love for others.. I wouldn't know where to start. Sometimes people ask me for help in that department and I'm delighted to help.
But most of the time I'm inner focused and what motivates me is the feeling of peace, love, and joy.
I want to feel love for others not necessarily to serve them but because it feels good. Is this negative?
Serving others is such a tarpit as well because how do you even know if you're serving them? Is it service to just be a slave and do whatever they tell you, recognizing the god within them but ignoring the god within yourself?
Is it service to serve in the way you enjoy serving.. but that doesn't feel like service because that kind of service is so joyful and fun. I'm not sacrificing anything to serve in a way that I enjoy serving.
It's so confusing.
Everything in the LOO makes loads of sense to me except for STS and STO which I find utterly incomprehensible.
Since All is One, serving the self is serving the all. So often I've said to myself that I should serve myself sometimes and others at other times - both are God - but Ra says that this will negate my polarity and put me in the sinkhole of indifference.
The most rational and seemingly productive choice on Earth in Western society is to serve yourself maybe like 60% of the time and then to serve others in the rest. It's like the doctors who do pro bono work. They've dedicated their lives to healing, but they also charge for their healing so it's not like they are being completely selfless. You could say that doctors only charge to enable them to stay in business but this isn't true - all doctors are capable of enjoying the fruits of their labour and do enjoy them. Lots of doctors are motivated to both help people and enrich themselves, and through this love-of-self they are able to serve others.
You have incredibly selfish people who end up doing far more good for humanity than selfless. Bill Gates got his wealth by being very selfish, but now he has the power to help humanity more than anyone. Even when he was being selfish he wasn't particularly destructive - at the very least he did offer relatively useful products to people in exchange for their money.
Anyway I'm come to the conclusion that I am completely and utterly confused by the idea of STS and STO.
To me there is only one concept that makes sense - service to all. That means service to the Creator in all forms, including myself, including others. Doing both service to myself and serving others. I enjoy both forms of service. I don't have to subjugate others when I serve myself, but I do necessarily take away from time serving them.
For instance let's say I serve myself by going and playing golf and having fun and relaxing. I could be spending this time helping African children build wells. I'm not hurting anyone by playing golf and I'm not enslaving anyone - I don't particularly want to enslave anyone - but I'm also not helping.
Do STO people justify every self-serving action by saying that it will allow them to help others eventually? e.g. "I golf because it lets me recharge my batteries and help others more" <-- I find this unlikely. You golf because you enjoy it in itself, for it's own sake. To me, saying you golf to recharge your batteries to help others sounds like a rationalization more than anything.
So yeah.
And finally, there is always the lingering issue where, "If I choose to be service to others because Ra says I need polarity to be harvested, am I just doing it for myself because I want to be part of a world that is 100x more harmonious? Isn't that STS?"