Teach/Learning

[Sacred Fool]

I might refine my earlier comments a bit in light of the further information given.

I could be wrong, but I think this could be categorized as intense catalyst.  According to the Ra/Q'uo outlook, you evidently desired to do some deep work during this little incarnation.  From what you say, it has the ring of an entity desiring to explore the balance of Love and Wisdom, as well as the right-use-of-power versus martyrdom.

For instance, I would guess that your average up to date, plugged in, modern human would not turn the question of how to respond to a disease bearing, bloodsucking, creepy-crawley parasite into a poem about right relationship.  They'd view as 1st chakra catalyst, kill it and move on.  But for you it's a 2nd chakra paradox to be explored.  In fact, for me, the whole shooting match revolves around 2nd chakra problems of definition.  That is, a lack of clarity about your relationship with yourself as well as confusion about whether or not you deserve to be abused and enslaved.

Now, please understand, I do not say this with an attitude that these things should be clear to you by now.  I expect you are unclear in the manner you represent because deep in your being these questions are unresolved, and you are using this drama as an opportunity to try to make clear choices.  It's interesting how much clarity you have that this is your fate and how little you castigate yourself for being as you are.  I choose to believe that this backs up my assertions about your overall situation.

So, here's my suggestion, both for your father figure and for yourself.  Put the confrontativeness aside entirely for now and in your conversations try to simply facilitate mirroring.  One way of doing that is literally repeat what he says, especially when it is outrageous.  You want me to do x, y, z?  Isn't that a bit outrageous?  Or doesn't that sound like you're the master and I'm the slave?  Does that sound like a mentally healthy relationship to you?  Or you want me to......where did that idea come from?  You might also deliberately try to draw him out repeatedly about his own suffering when he was your age so that he has an opportunity to see it more and more fully.  How did that feel?  Were you scared?  Did that feel unfair?  Did that make you feel any better in the long run?  Did anyone ever really care for you?  Was anyone ever there to back you up and help you out?  The more you can catalyze the mirroring process and offer him a chance to feel his own feelings, the more he should be impelled to make some kind of shift.

For yourself, you should do something similar.  Keep an accounting of you feel when you have to deal with yourself, how you feel when you are misled or comforted, etc.?  It may feel a bit icky to mess with this, but I have a sense that it will serve you well in the long run if you can gain more clarity in this area.

It seems obvious that you are overbalanced towards Love as compared to Wisdom (the opposite of myself).  The progress you can make in sorting out your 2nd chakra affairs will certainly be helpful, but I would also add that the real work in balancing Love and Wisdom begins in the deeper areas of the heart.  I say this to possibly motivate you to work your way along through what's now before you so that you can do the work of balancing.  In other words, at the level of the 2nd chakra, things may get sorted out and balanced for increased energy flow, but there is no deep spiritual resolution.  The more profound work can't be done at that level of consciousness, it must needs be done at a much more all-inclusive level of self-awareness.  You'll see when you get there.