Ascension symptom thread

[Glow]

No problem! Problem is, I am still feeling nauseous. I've been taking legal, hemp based CBD gummies I bought across the street and they are effective at combating the nausea, but they're like melatonin ON melatonin, so I am drowsy AF. So I'm wondering what other ways I can ease the ascension process. If anybody has further ideas, I'm more than happy to hear them.

Anyway, yeah, I've been going through a dark night of the soul as well, as some have possibly noticed. So this is where I'm at. If you have any ideas for getting through the dark night of the soul and achieving ego death quicker, you just let me know.

Part of the reason I'm struggling there is because there are ways I've been treated unfairly and I have let 99%+ of it go, but my latest friendship breakup hurts because I know SO MUCH of it was my own fault and the stuff that WAS unfair to me I can't get an apology for and what few friends I've talked about this with just think I'm a whiny b**** and need to get over it. Or they think I already AM over it. Because why share any more with them when all they see is a "whiny b****"

So I don't know what I fairly feel upset about and what's unfair to be upset about because the only people I can work through it with are me myself and I, and I know all 3 of them to be quite biased.

The friend doesn't want to work things out with me and I have a hard time forgiving myself for my mistakes because I have a hard time not defining myself by them. When the only person who truly knows what went on sees you only for your flaws and mistakes and it seems like that's how they intend to define you for the rest of their life, it becomes WAYY harder to just let it go and redefine yourself. ESPECIALLY when you KNOW there were some things unfair to you, but you don't know what they are and everybody else refuses to try and understand things from your perspective. It just makes you think your perspective must be crap. But you KNOW it wasn't just you being unfair and yet, you can't be sure whether you're just an a****** for thinking that certain things were unfair or whether or not you're justified. You don't know what the truth is or how to work with it and the only truth anybody else wants to define you by is the falsehood of being defined by your worst. It's a terrible way to treat friends and oneself yet I can't just let it go, because I MUST have true answers so I can settle it for sure, creating karmic issues I can't let go of.

Maybe this is better for another thread...

Well with nausea through the deepest part of my dark night and the beginning of my ego death I actually couldn't eat.
I lost 30 lbs I didn't need to lose in a matter of 6 months. I was mostly bone and got lots of comments. My body tends towards abstaining when the body is going to reject something so it was an annoying time, I could only eat a few bites at a time and then would just stop.

Doing that I don't think was the healthiest but I just couldn't and obviously some blockage was rejecting this incarnation completely. I recall developing a strong like for gin gins the candied ginger. Doesn't sound ulta healthy(though they are in the health section) but when the tummy needed settling and the body didn't want much food I could always enjoy a piece.

Like you I had a lot of grieving to do, till the grief pit was empty. You may see your issues as anger or injustice but underneath it is grief. I no longer see any of that grief as mine it has been let go of and I think that was the way through. Let go of the old, accept and move through it.

Are you meditating? That was life saving.

Even if I could only do it for a few moments at a time I would get words like "trust", I was told that a lot and I couldn't trust but now I do. It took a long time to get here.

Also really learning to sit in silence when you are hurt or angry about the transgressions for me was the greatest teacher. I had some serious treachery experienced to get me to that point but if I went to meditation the other side would reach to me when I got silent enough and it was like experiencing these things from "big I's perspective" no matter what my little i ego was stewing about the answer was always the same. The love for them was/is so intense no matter who suddenly the transgression was instead seen as just a bump in the road of an entity I love deeply, like all circumstance had been washed away and none of it mattered.

I luckily enough didn't feel compelled to resist this teaching. It was clear to me the other side was right so when ever the ego again would pull me into drama I would sit and call that energy and again it would wash me clean. Reset and ready to try to stay there.

Greif is sometimes trapped in the body and in our energy so I did a very thorough recapitulation process. I can link you to details of the process if you want but basically it is breaking the conection to the pain and tracing the pain back through your life to some sort of seminal event. You break all negative energetic connections, look for places it and other negative emotions are stored in the body and release all energy back to the person the connection was shared with so it is no longer tied to you. You can now freely without trigger process life as it happens.

Just remember when your ego death is complete you need to rebuild something. I did not know that and it was very uncomfortable to be without some sense of little i. Like staying dead while the world goes on around you. Thankfully I had help rebuilding and learned to build an ego that fits loosely and can be removed without struggle.

I hope you feel better soon. The best advice I can give is don't struggle, don't fight, flow with the river vs swimming against the current. You'll end up the same place regardless one way will just be a lot more work and drama than the other.