How to make sure I'm not unconsciously sending evil eye (without forgiving)

[ada]

Some adepts seek catalyst because it is a great tool for growth and polarity, a gift from the creator if you are aware of the possibility of work to be done. We can't give you the answers that you seek because we haven't experienced your perspective.
If general understanding is what you want then I can keep trying to share my thoughts.
Ask yourself what or why you really seek what you seek. Is it peace? Is it your friend's love? Do you miss him? Or do you just feel mistreated?
See, you have the choice to heal both of you by being the example/ teacher/student.
By not forgiving and letting go you shackle not only you and them, but also your infinite self potential. Ask yourself, is it truly fair to your unbaised and pure soul to be limited and await a "fair" judgement / treatment? Who decides what is fair and what isn't, what if you both planned for this and you're the one not being able to do the working? Because if you have truly forgiven, then how come you say that now you haven't? Is that how forgiveness works? You forgive only if it meets your standards? How can peace and love ever manifest into the world with such an approach?
I apologize for sounding harsh or judgeful, for I truly do not understand your situation. And I want the best for your journey. You could be so peaceful and work towards the creator if you just let it go.
There are many great teachers in this forum who have shared great pain and catalyst that they have been through and found forgiveness and love.
You see in this plane we are forged by fire. And what do you want to become?
Have compassion and heal the creator that is you and them with unconditional love.
I love you friend, and am truly sorry for your suffering.