Quote:I feel as i'm stuck in a loop of experience where I repeat this incarnation over and over again. A cycle in which I continually figure out my illusion from intelligent energy; while not being able to apply it with respect to service to others as I have blockages which I can't overcome the resistance.
I'm in a similar boat, only the feeling of forced repeated incarnations isn't due to having a resistance to any particular polarity but due to an inability to cope with a life filled with a particular form of difficulty/suffering. A lot of the major points or themes of my life seem quite familiar, as if I've been walking through this pattern more than once and am in a sense subconsciously used to it. I get the feeling I just commit suicide eventually each time, maybe getting further along in one life, or dying sooner than expected in another, without enough progress ever being made to fully learn whatever lesson I'm here to get and thus break out of the cycle. A maddening possibility is the idea that I'm actually in control of the cycle myself and, while discarnate, am freely choosing to return of my own will, every time. Nothing about my life really surprises me, especially that which sort of should. Discovering about the Law of One, the Orion Group, having 'tinfoil hat' positions, and other esoteric things simply felt like what would be a normal part in anyone's life.
As for being forced into an endless reincarnation cycle due to free will being an illusion, I don't think that's a significant possibility. I myself haven't encountered anything in my life to consider free will as anything other than fact. In my experience, Choices and Intentions are genuinely real things, in a similar manner to Love and Fear also being 'real' in ways the Ra Material goes over. You can literally fill rooms with Emotion, I've done this and experienced other do it, and you can also charge water with Intentions, which are merely decisions. The scientific hypothesis that free will is an illusion rests on the idea that Consciousness cannot affect anything. It's to say that the 'ghost in the shell' of the body has the property of having no influence on anything. Since no scientist has been able to provide any scientific evidence that consciousness itself even exists in the first place, saying definitively that it works or does not work in any particular way at this point seems illogical. It's my position that the fear you describe of experiencing an infinite incarnation loop due to a lack of free will isn't justified. I just don't think it's an idea you should entertain.
I hope you find some hope in the future.