Logos completion and individuality

[Minyatur]

There is no loss, only gain, where each step up the densities is a step up in awareness.

The whole evolution process is meaningles if all is just an illusion and after being born (many times) in 3d and all the strguggle and evolving through densities you are annihilated in "nirvana". It is as you haven't existed. It seems nihilistic.

It is a bit nihilistic to think of our lives, our personalities, what we care about, etc. as important only insofar as it advances the Creator's understanding of itself. I, too, struggle with the fact that most of my life has no inherent import but is simply instrumental towards ends I can barely fathom. There is certainly a built-in tension between the waking ego 3d personality and the more totalizing self, the Creator whom those of the Confederation see us as. It's tough to think that who we are in this world is not really who we are; that's the flip side to your characterization of soul evolution as annihilation in nirvana, since you can't lose something that isn't real in the first place.

You'd rather and find less nihilistic that it was a paradox and absent of existence?

I don't think our lives are important only insofar they advance the Creator's understanding of itself. Your life simply reflects your own will and in this you gain understanding of yourself (Creator). The Creator only knows itself through experiencing its own will, so what you're saying is like that you find nihilistic that the only gain you find in experiencing your will is to realize yourself through doing so.

Whom have you been in any moment of this life that felt so strong you can even say it's what you've been across all this life? Maybe at 9 years old you went like "how I see myself at this moment is all I will ever be in time"?

I tend to think that a large part of our personalities and sense of self is a construct that we adopt and plan just like our life experiences, family, etc. We have been all things, I believe: the mean guy, the nice guy, the shy one, the flirt, the creep, etc. The roles we play in society are not who we are, and the personalities which allow us entry into these roles are much less us than we think (as if our social self or personality is really a vehicle, an interface our deeper selves use to tap into the social matrix). This prioritizes all the much more urgently this central task of finding out who we really are and what is real and intransient about us.

One thing I try to keep in mind is that this thoroughly impersonal cosmology is impersonal only to the extent that our personalities are illusory constructs. To the extent that we tap into our deeper selves and use polarization as a way to efficiently employ the personality self in lessons and service, it is highly personal--but it appeals to a different kind of personality than our waking third density personality.  We are real and we exist and we have a uniqueness to us, but the more we reject the illusion, the more we will be forced to confront that existence on metaphysical, emotional, unprovable terms.  This is what I think it means to "wake up"; not necessarily to consciously acknowledge the whole confederation cosmology, but to think and act more from your true self than from the bundle of habits, reactions, and beliefs that constitute our third density ego personality.

I think the entire concept of having 3D veiled is to offer an extension of free will to our 3D personalities. Here and now in this world, the cosmology is extremely personal to your waking 3D personality more than would be the default of this density without the usage of a veil, because your 3D waking personality would be stuck to be confronted by the awareness of in what it is rooted in and everything you are would be much more blended together at all times disallowing a more personal expression from moments to moments. This is even the usefulness of wandering and advancing your higher density progression, there's many aspects of yourself that are held quiet by your too great awareness of unity and the Universe, just as merely all the aspects of yourself being known, and these aspects are so much denied their expression when blended that you have to go into a 3D veiled experience to gain a strong enough focus on them that they even find actual expression and resolve.

I don't think there's any single thing in your life that was not what you are. Maybe it was not the whole of yourself in every single way you can be shaped through all potentials of living, obviously, but it clearly partially was what you are whole into a finite focus.