02-17-2018, 02:29 AM
(02-16-2018, 10:47 AM)Surfboard Wrote: I've noticed when i talk to others I judge my thoughts. I don't feel as I speak rather I think as I speak. It's more like a chore making connections with people even though I yearn to, yet when I see someone needs help the thought won't even cross my mind. It's as if I feel the need to control what people are thinking of me and as I speak i'm simultaneously thinking of things to say that go with a certain feeling and am often left speechless.
Sounds like to me that you're just super aware, constantly reading what others need/want/expect from you in each moment, and because you want to serve them by providing a high-quality "mirror", you are constantly assessing and reassessing your communication as you go along. Sounds exhausting and I can understand why you have avoided interactions.
Maybe try throwing a little caution to the wind. Start thinking about ways others can fulfill your needs and preferences, giving people in your life an opportunity to serve you for a change. Then there can be more reciprocity in your exchanges with others. Things may flow a little better as people get to learn about what you're about.