01-08-2018, 04:53 AM
That entanglement is a big reason why I avoid unnecessary interaction that isn't positive... I avoid others more for them though.
I'm a mess and everyone else doesn't need to deal with my mess, simple as that.
I wish I was more conscious of my sensitivity, yet I don't since I try so hard to numb myself... Other's moods basically control mine, I become the person unless I'm already closed up. Thankfully as a Cancer I close up very easily. But in 2014, when I was much more open in most senses, I found myself as a Sun among darkness, no other stars around. Everyone is basically entombed in their catalytic reactions, they were all hurt and miserable.
I recall in 2015 I had met a customer on a night I was strongly considering suicide to escape all the pain, she smiled, but it was a mask for others. She lowered it for me when she saw I was right there with her, she told me about how her little boy died and she became a heroin addict and lost everything. I asked her if she was ok, and she said no, smiled, and walked off.
I screamed a lot that night by myself, at all of this.
I was too caught up to see my reflection, but looking back it's there. In a way, I lost my son too, and became addicted to weed and used alcohol to numb myself, I wasn't anywhere as bad off as her but somehow my vibration was at her level.
I see that we are effected differently, she was strong enough to take the things that effected her to as high a vibration she could despite it all, and for all she went through she handled it as well as I handled merely feeling absolutely alone during enlightenment.
It makes me realize how sensitive I am. Had my son died and I became a heroin addict and lost everything, I wouldn't be here functioning in the least, I'd honestly probably get myself killed not even intentionally but because I was so lost. She took all of that and still functioned.
It made me feel, weak. But I try to tell myself I'm just more sensitive, but that can't be true. In truth I just call myself mundane, I'm nothing special compared to that woman. I'm not some intense old soul in some crazy hard incarnation. I'm just some guy messed up in the head. Living with someone who's also messed up in the head.
But notice that I've framed it all negatively.
I have waited. And waited. Waited...
If I might infringe you all. I found that all produced communications, including thought, word, action, and the intensity behind them, forge the outer perspective by altering the inner perspective.
Changing reality is as simple as choosing to avoid certain orientations.
Speak in positive ways, and positivity responds. Speak in negative ways, and negativity responds.
I've waited to see if anyone would ever point out how much I frame things in dark ways.
I can't explain why I've got this fascination with being led on by such painful feelings, but the more I reflect, the more I think I should be alone.
I'm a pretty great person, and I know my soul is awesomererer, yes, double -er, just that good.
But in all my love, I must have a soft spot for the dark stuff, because it is so mysterious and misunderstood in my eyes, which is why I assign synonymousity to the Creator. It's hard viewing the shadow of Creator, you see some stuff!! But I know in every darkness there is a balance of light, I think of Dexter in fiction, for being a murderer, he murders other murderers, trying to save innocent's from their sickness.
Whereas a soldier can kill, that same capacity to kill can be used to protect.
And whereas a pedo can rape, should they know it's wrong and refrain and more distance themselves from children, have they not taken a sick impulse and with great care for kids overpower their selfish desire for their sake?
And whereas one might torture, in what ethically gray situations does it become momentarily acceptable? (Thinking of Star Trek: Enterprise when Archer does torture an alien for information he knows the alien has to stop Earth's eventual destruction... Is that acceptable?)
And overall for all the terrible horrible things, intrinsically, they have potential for good as well. Even if their negative usage can vastly outweigh the positive in notice.
I think of nuclear energy, it's been used in good and bad ways.
I think of the 'criminals' who help catch other criminals.
So, I don't know why I seem to always turn to look at the dark, I just know I want to find the Love. The Truth. The total picture, not just one half. The full story. I want to see the Love of the Creator in it's total physically available gradient. To know the darkest are motivated by Love, and the brightest are invigorated by it. That we all belong to it because it exists within us all.
When I think of that woman who lost her son and everything to heroin addiction. I think that she came to me to help me underneath the scene of physical life. And that in that moment of genuine sharing, all those bad things...And all those bad parts, still came together in one honest moment to try and help me, even with so little good to say. Those bad parts are still imbued with Love, striving for it.
In that sense, there are no bad parts, just different bits of Love trying to find itself.
As far as entanglement and protection goes... Please share your protection methods with me Sempai Glow~
I find shielding techniques I used to not understand since I assume I had Light Armor, and before the LOO, that holographically shielding wasn't plausible. But now I think it's important considering the nature of densities. My problem is, I'm incredibly shy with my voice in regards to anything related to asking the 'divine' or 'above' which includes my spirit guides. This shyness stems from church as a child, all the singing to praise God was incredibly embarrassing to me.
...huh, and now that I think about it, I don't know why. Hah, come to think of it, I didn't like church because of how it made me feel. One time walking into a cathedral with a biiiig statue of Christ crucified, passing through the archway knocked me almost right off my feet with dizziness, like someone just hit me over the head. But from it all, the damn singing just consistently repelled me, I wanted to join in and learn about the stories of the Bible but then everyone would sing, at every church event, even late night ones, there was somehow singing. I hate singing, except in a choir class where it was, different, somehow. But even just praying out loud is embarrassing, I didn't like doing it even at a dinner table.
I guess to me, I feel like nothing spoken could possibly be as clear as just feeling, like speaking would be bad somehow. I think I see why too, in my blatant honesty with the divine I say some meeeeeaaan stuff, but in my head it's much more concise, less intense. I can be angry then feel sorrow and convey that I don't agree even with myself. I can tell my God I am pained, by my feelings more clearly. Everything that I speak just comes out in bumbles of a barely held together attention span. Even typing like this is muuuuch easier to clarify myself to myself. I think my voice could use some adjustments, I just don't find it attractive. I don't like hearing it usually.
Yet there's such importance in it. Can I whisper? I like whispering, I don't feel as disturbing, or can I just make shields with feel alone?
(Oh man my post is huge, I'll wrap this up.)
I would advise everyone to shield themselves from me periodically if I'm particularly rude. I don't want anyone to feel bad ways like I do, I'd rather you all felt happy! So don't let me ruin anything about a good day. Somewhere someone is free of worry and fear and full of all the happiness they could feel. That means something that matters, and if that's you, then don't let me ruin that. It's okay to be protective. Put up that shield.
I'm a mess and everyone else doesn't need to deal with my mess, simple as that.
I wish I was more conscious of my sensitivity, yet I don't since I try so hard to numb myself... Other's moods basically control mine, I become the person unless I'm already closed up. Thankfully as a Cancer I close up very easily. But in 2014, when I was much more open in most senses, I found myself as a Sun among darkness, no other stars around. Everyone is basically entombed in their catalytic reactions, they were all hurt and miserable.
I recall in 2015 I had met a customer on a night I was strongly considering suicide to escape all the pain, she smiled, but it was a mask for others. She lowered it for me when she saw I was right there with her, she told me about how her little boy died and she became a heroin addict and lost everything. I asked her if she was ok, and she said no, smiled, and walked off.
I screamed a lot that night by myself, at all of this.
I was too caught up to see my reflection, but looking back it's there. In a way, I lost my son too, and became addicted to weed and used alcohol to numb myself, I wasn't anywhere as bad off as her but somehow my vibration was at her level.
I see that we are effected differently, she was strong enough to take the things that effected her to as high a vibration she could despite it all, and for all she went through she handled it as well as I handled merely feeling absolutely alone during enlightenment.
It makes me realize how sensitive I am. Had my son died and I became a heroin addict and lost everything, I wouldn't be here functioning in the least, I'd honestly probably get myself killed not even intentionally but because I was so lost. She took all of that and still functioned.
It made me feel, weak. But I try to tell myself I'm just more sensitive, but that can't be true. In truth I just call myself mundane, I'm nothing special compared to that woman. I'm not some intense old soul in some crazy hard incarnation. I'm just some guy messed up in the head. Living with someone who's also messed up in the head.
But notice that I've framed it all negatively.
I have waited. And waited. Waited...
If I might infringe you all. I found that all produced communications, including thought, word, action, and the intensity behind them, forge the outer perspective by altering the inner perspective.
Changing reality is as simple as choosing to avoid certain orientations.
Speak in positive ways, and positivity responds. Speak in negative ways, and negativity responds.
I've waited to see if anyone would ever point out how much I frame things in dark ways.
I can't explain why I've got this fascination with being led on by such painful feelings, but the more I reflect, the more I think I should be alone.
I'm a pretty great person, and I know my soul is awesomererer, yes, double -er, just that good.
But in all my love, I must have a soft spot for the dark stuff, because it is so mysterious and misunderstood in my eyes, which is why I assign synonymousity to the Creator. It's hard viewing the shadow of Creator, you see some stuff!! But I know in every darkness there is a balance of light, I think of Dexter in fiction, for being a murderer, he murders other murderers, trying to save innocent's from their sickness.
Whereas a soldier can kill, that same capacity to kill can be used to protect.
And whereas a pedo can rape, should they know it's wrong and refrain and more distance themselves from children, have they not taken a sick impulse and with great care for kids overpower their selfish desire for their sake?
And whereas one might torture, in what ethically gray situations does it become momentarily acceptable? (Thinking of Star Trek: Enterprise when Archer does torture an alien for information he knows the alien has to stop Earth's eventual destruction... Is that acceptable?)
And overall for all the terrible horrible things, intrinsically, they have potential for good as well. Even if their negative usage can vastly outweigh the positive in notice.
I think of nuclear energy, it's been used in good and bad ways.
I think of the 'criminals' who help catch other criminals.
So, I don't know why I seem to always turn to look at the dark, I just know I want to find the Love. The Truth. The total picture, not just one half. The full story. I want to see the Love of the Creator in it's total physically available gradient. To know the darkest are motivated by Love, and the brightest are invigorated by it. That we all belong to it because it exists within us all.
When I think of that woman who lost her son and everything to heroin addiction. I think that she came to me to help me underneath the scene of physical life. And that in that moment of genuine sharing, all those bad things...And all those bad parts, still came together in one honest moment to try and help me, even with so little good to say. Those bad parts are still imbued with Love, striving for it.
In that sense, there are no bad parts, just different bits of Love trying to find itself.
As far as entanglement and protection goes... Please share your protection methods with me Sempai Glow~
I find shielding techniques I used to not understand since I assume I had Light Armor, and before the LOO, that holographically shielding wasn't plausible. But now I think it's important considering the nature of densities. My problem is, I'm incredibly shy with my voice in regards to anything related to asking the 'divine' or 'above' which includes my spirit guides. This shyness stems from church as a child, all the singing to praise God was incredibly embarrassing to me.
...huh, and now that I think about it, I don't know why. Hah, come to think of it, I didn't like church because of how it made me feel. One time walking into a cathedral with a biiiig statue of Christ crucified, passing through the archway knocked me almost right off my feet with dizziness, like someone just hit me over the head. But from it all, the damn singing just consistently repelled me, I wanted to join in and learn about the stories of the Bible but then everyone would sing, at every church event, even late night ones, there was somehow singing. I hate singing, except in a choir class where it was, different, somehow. But even just praying out loud is embarrassing, I didn't like doing it even at a dinner table.
I guess to me, I feel like nothing spoken could possibly be as clear as just feeling, like speaking would be bad somehow. I think I see why too, in my blatant honesty with the divine I say some meeeeeaaan stuff, but in my head it's much more concise, less intense. I can be angry then feel sorrow and convey that I don't agree even with myself. I can tell my God I am pained, by my feelings more clearly. Everything that I speak just comes out in bumbles of a barely held together attention span. Even typing like this is muuuuch easier to clarify myself to myself. I think my voice could use some adjustments, I just don't find it attractive. I don't like hearing it usually.
Yet there's such importance in it. Can I whisper? I like whispering, I don't feel as disturbing, or can I just make shields with feel alone?
(Oh man my post is huge, I'll wrap this up.)
I would advise everyone to shield themselves from me periodically if I'm particularly rude. I don't want anyone to feel bad ways like I do, I'd rather you all felt happy! So don't let me ruin anything about a good day. Somewhere someone is free of worry and fear and full of all the happiness they could feel. That means something that matters, and if that's you, then don't let me ruin that. It's okay to be protective. Put up that shield.