I don't want to be awake.

[Sprout]

Thank you.

I still feel terrible and I want to die. I'm not going to. But I have no hope.

I feel absolute horror right now. No matter what I do, I can't stop thinking that I've irreversibly ruined my life.

Selfish as it may be, I want some people from my past to at least say sorry.
The massive trauma I have is part of the reason why I cannot currently function. It's not going to happen though. There are many people I will never see again.

I can't help but feel that it's all over.

I'm so sorry for your pain and horror, I will try and send you energy in meditation. You have to keep fighting fear with love, don't let it consume you, try and focus on just living until time and/or someone will help you ease the trauma and allow new energy and distortions to heal. Is this related to that mentor that abused you? With such intense trauma I can't help but think that you are going through extreme transformations, you can do it, wait it out, observe rather than disseminate. You don't need to understand why or how it is happening, only to accept and be grounded in your own reality. You will surely make new connections, and step by step learn to forgive (don't rush it, first try and forgive yourself). Beside, look at the support here.


Edit: Just prayed in meditation for you. Be well.