My journey for the truth: a somewhat unremarkable story

[Quan]

My personal awakening experience started over 50 years ago, while yet a very young child.  I never felt I belonged and as I grew through adolescence, my feelings of inadequacy and outright failing to fit in were attributed to the stereotypical teenage predilection for simply suffering through life and the associated growing pains.  I was weird and even my teenage friends knew it.  No girlfriends and no real bonding with my school aged friends.  As I passed through my teenage years, I was attracted to many of the things that my friends were interested in sports like football and karate.  However, I felt myself drawn into the philosophy of Bruce Lee instead of the mechanics of fighting.

Following high school I enlisted in military service and left home, my horizons began to open as the restrictive perception of my personal oddities were easier to hide from others.  My introverted nature became more comfortable and, try as I might, I felt disconnected at social gatherings while failing miserably at producing “small talk.” Because I was able to accept the shutting out from my piers while simultaneously seeking philosophical inspiration, I felt that I was growing and learning.  I was drawn specifically to Tai Chi, an individual form or martial arts, as well as the mystical side of that philosophy.  This will recognized much later as a pivotal point in my life, having been attracted to purchase a book of Tao Te Ching without specifically knowing why.

My search for the Truth had begun, unknown to me, and I was on a path of enlightenment that stretched out before me.  After the military service, I received what I now know to be a telepathic message of awakening in the statement, “As you dream, so shall you become.”  I couldn’t, to this day, explain how or where this “message” had come from, or why.  But it became the basis for my future study.

But, my lessons slowed to almost nothing during the middle time of my life and I almost went to back to sleep being completely enmeshed in living according to the world parameters; what became known to me as running in the “rat race.”  I was achieving all of my goals and gathering “stuff” that should have constituted success but was even less happy feeling more disconnected with the passing of each day.  

When my life fell apart as I divorced my first wife and I was shocked into my second awakening and returned to my search for the Truth.
This was my real awakening and the search began in earnest.

It is my belief that humans are “shocked” into or out of our reality by traumatic events in our lives causing us to consider or analyze our circumstances as we ask why things may have happened.  I am now forced to consider if these types of events themselves are an affectation of outside influence to cause this response…

Since that time, I have been led to find many of the truths that I have defined as my “belief system.”  The elements of my belief system have been discovered, exposed or hypothesized through introspective analysis as well as online research.  What I thought was a singular effort may have been orchestrated or led by external forces providing clues that directed my search.  I may never discover if my research has been assisted or guided and it doesn’t really matter.

I am here, I am ready and I believe.

Lovely story, great example of finding ones own truth.

With trauma
"It is my belief that humans are “shocked” into or out of our reality by traumatic events in our lives causing us to consider or analyze our circumstance"
This is also clearly stated in Law of One
"It is to be noted that among your entities a large percentage of all progression has as catalyst, trauma."

One thing that may help I reasonsate strongly with from Law of One is pre-incarnation/ pre-incarnative choices set before you were born for you life and external forces help keep you on track as your free will is involved.. Major trauma would especially fall into that category set pre-life.


"Not all those who wander are lost..." J.R.R Tolkien 
I must comment on this, I still am in such awe with JRR Tolkein I really woould love to know if any authors that are similar to his level on fantasy type novels..to read as well.  Similarion book I just couldnt believe he envisioned how earth came about before its creation, gods/goddess shaping earth , the first age of elfes, second age of humans. It really is a whole world  and massive time span of history he invisioned in this work.