Pushing People Away

[YinYang]

I'm so tired...  I'll pick up on this later when I've calmed down a bit...

Okay, I have now written two posts which I have deleted, because it kept feeling like I'm missing the mark with empty advice and even more empty encouragement. Then it hit me, turns out one of your life lessons is very similar to mine. Freedom. You can only remove toxicity from your surroundings if you are financially free, the play between independence and dependence has been a central theme in my life. That's what you gotta do now, get yourself OUT of that situation. I'm no stranger to family drama, believe me, and as long as you are dependant on others, you are exposed to their toxicity.

And try and don't make the mistake that the majority of people make, by just taking the first job that you can find. You are obviously very intelligent as your posts show, and still young, and you seem to have found something you love - film. Sit for a while and figure out what you love doing, even if you've never afforded yourself that luxury before. Children of narcissistic parents never do that, because the "I don't matter" is very deeply ingrained in their consciousness. When you have nailed it down, go in that direction. Chase it, and acquire your freedom first, even if you have to move to a different state to get away from all the drama and taste freedom and peace for the first time.

It's going to work out, you'll see, just keep the faith. Focus on the first domino that needs to fall before any of the others can fall - your freedom. Be bold, take the step, you have nothing to lose.