Upon reflection of your situation 2 things stood out to me. The first one being you want to help but are facing defensiveness. And you wonder why this resistance. This is just a guess but I think if you want to help in a way that is too precise or specific like focusing on the drinking or 'sleeping' then then 2 things happen.
First the focus drift away from the core of the situation, and secondly it makes it indirectly about you, about your awakening. This is just a personal suggestion but I would personally not even mention neither the drinking or the sleeping because if they are defense mecanisms, it can reinforce them. While you focus on that, your focus is on what he's not doing correctly for you. If instead you focus on what he is doing correctly, there might be more of an opening up. So what is he doing correctly?
I think the drinking is in a way showing that he is at least concerned about his pain, that he is focusing on it. It's kind of just easy to tell someone to simply 'face the pain'. Most of us are very aware of our pain yet it doesn't make it any easier or quicker to deal with it. Some pain are exceessively hard and long to deal with, like lifelong workings, and not all of us are super efficient at doing so especially when there never was concrete circumstances to be able to engage the process. Even to deal with it it needs to be understood first and in that lies the first important step. Do you understand his pain? Maybe you do maybe you don't, I can't exactly say from where I am, but the first step to understand someone else's pain is definitely to understand your own.
Consider also that we do not just simply need to face the pain. We also need to understand how it was created, how it is buried, how the defense mechanisms works, what triggers them, and that takes a long time. It can't be done just so quick and simple. The process of healing needs to acknowledge the self as both the child that was hurt and the very capable and self sufficient adult in full capacities to help itself. And many people just want to figure that out themselves. I don't know your friend, but I know some people find that insulting that you would do their seeking for them. Just something to consider along the path of being a healing companion.
The second thing that stands out to me is that it 'seems' to me like you often need to get a hold of someone else's thoughts or emotional state. Maybe this is where lies your own 'drinking'/'sleeping'. I think if you can get a good understanding of that in yourself, then the doors may be willing to open. Just some food for thoughts to add to the recipe. Who's doors are you really looking to open? Are they really someone else's doors?
I know it seems redundant that I often take back the focus on someone else to yourself but I definitely think that the defensiveness your are receiving from someone else comes from a defensiveness that is in yourself and are simply not aware of yet.
I'll take my own advise and focus on what you are doing correctly. I don't think any part of your situation is wrong, you're definitely on the right path and your heart is in the right place. Just be patient with yourself. I'm sure you'll figure it out.
Good luck on your seeking and service!
First the focus drift away from the core of the situation, and secondly it makes it indirectly about you, about your awakening. This is just a personal suggestion but I would personally not even mention neither the drinking or the sleeping because if they are defense mecanisms, it can reinforce them. While you focus on that, your focus is on what he's not doing correctly for you. If instead you focus on what he is doing correctly, there might be more of an opening up. So what is he doing correctly?
I think the drinking is in a way showing that he is at least concerned about his pain, that he is focusing on it. It's kind of just easy to tell someone to simply 'face the pain'. Most of us are very aware of our pain yet it doesn't make it any easier or quicker to deal with it. Some pain are exceessively hard and long to deal with, like lifelong workings, and not all of us are super efficient at doing so especially when there never was concrete circumstances to be able to engage the process. Even to deal with it it needs to be understood first and in that lies the first important step. Do you understand his pain? Maybe you do maybe you don't, I can't exactly say from where I am, but the first step to understand someone else's pain is definitely to understand your own.
Consider also that we do not just simply need to face the pain. We also need to understand how it was created, how it is buried, how the defense mechanisms works, what triggers them, and that takes a long time. It can't be done just so quick and simple. The process of healing needs to acknowledge the self as both the child that was hurt and the very capable and self sufficient adult in full capacities to help itself. And many people just want to figure that out themselves. I don't know your friend, but I know some people find that insulting that you would do their seeking for them. Just something to consider along the path of being a healing companion.
The second thing that stands out to me is that it 'seems' to me like you often need to get a hold of someone else's thoughts or emotional state. Maybe this is where lies your own 'drinking'/'sleeping'. I think if you can get a good understanding of that in yourself, then the doors may be willing to open. Just some food for thoughts to add to the recipe. Who's doors are you really looking to open? Are they really someone else's doors?
I know it seems redundant that I often take back the focus on someone else to yourself but I definitely think that the defensiveness your are receiving from someone else comes from a defensiveness that is in yourself and are simply not aware of yet.
I'll take my own advise and focus on what you are doing correctly. I don't think any part of your situation is wrong, you're definitely on the right path and your heart is in the right place. Just be patient with yourself. I'm sure you'll figure it out.
Good luck on your seeking and service!