The feeling of grief from loss of loved ones

[Diana]

In the case of loss or distance, neither exist outside the material the love feeling turning in to that painful grief is basically our love for the otherself not being able to be shared/expressed.. I have been having instant relief by simply asking my guides to please send the love to those I cannot reach. It’s blocked at the throat because of our inability due to death/time/space to express it.

Great insight - this must be why therapists will sometimes ask grieving people to write a letter to the one they've lost with everything left unspoken.  Getting things out on paper releases the emotion.

On the spiritual side of the same coin, it is only an illusion that we can no longer reach our loved ones after their death.  We can reach them just fine; they have trouble reaching us back - mostly because we're not paying attention to the subtle perceptions coming from the spirit, because our senses are filled with the very loud and noisy physical sensorium.  

However there is still no separation between us and our loved ones, and the separation we believe exists is simply a belief - because we hold the belief that we can't reach them, we don't bother to try.  It's another one of those situations where we have the ability to do something, but don't know that we can do it.

All it takes is to think about the person, not worrying about where they are or how, and speak to them or express our feelings toward them just as if they were right here with you.  Because truly there is no distance.

While there is intellectual truth in what you are both saying, and perhaps some emotional relief, for me this is not the full reality here. Having "conversations" and writing feelings down is indeed good therapy. But being here without the lost loved one can be difficult no matter how healthy a perspective one can attain.

I found C_A's comments very moving:

Then my cat died, and...At first, I was just sad that he was gone.

Then it sunk in over these last four years.  My best friend is gone.  He's not coming back, I'll be without him for the rest of my life.  It makes me teary eyed just recalling it.

Then it finally happened, this guy I didn't know ANYTHING about, he was an uncle, his name was Roger.  He had a cane, but wore running shoes, had a drug addiction (to cocaine), but was ridiculously kind.  I met him for 5 minutes, spoke not even 50 words with him last Christmas, then had to leave.

I really liked him, wanted to get to know him.  Then a few weeks ago, he died, massive heart attack.  ...When I found out, it was like this uncanny wave of realization washed over me.  That I'd never get to know him, or anything really about him.  That he's gone, for good, not coming back.  Better place or no, his death was a loss and it hit me hard.

I cried a lot, but not the kind I usually do, it was kind of undriven, just a response.  I wasn't just mad or sad to the point of tears, I was just so upset at how I missed that opportunity, how I never knew any of my family, how alone I was.

I really don't think it matters all that much what you believe, or what you surmise, or what you subscribe too, or how much therapy you have or what exercises you do. I don't think it makes that much of a difference. We are behind the veil (if that's true, and it certainly seems to be). Being here can be an isolating experience. Even if one can get to the point of feeling really connected with our fellow humans, what then? It is a paradoxical affair, rather like being a teacher in a classroom of kindergartners, whom you absolutely love but can't really be companions with. And here someone may say that you can align with their souls perhaps. But the reality of 3D is duality and not the new age utopia we would like it to be (yet).

I don't mean to be a downer, for there is much joy and beauty and the full spectrum experience to be had here. But I'm not evolved enough to simply wave 3D experience and influence aside that easily. And I think this is true for many. I empathize with all the pain anyone here is feeling for lost loved ones. And I don't think it's that helpful to say it's easy to sweep this aside and "know" there is no distance.