We came here to serve but most of us have no idea how we are to be serving.

[Glow]

I'm still trying to figure out how to do that as I'm not 100% happy, I still feel like an outsider so loneliness and I feel I still myself get lost in the grief.

What is the balance to that feeling of being on the outside? ....

Glow, the balance of all other feelings is Love.  Close your eyes, focus on the feeling of being outside, and allow it to fully come up to your awareness.  Sit with it and simply allow it to be present.  

Then, simply find compassionate love for that feeling inside you.  Sit with it, just bathing that feeling in love and understanding.  Notice how it begins to change and transform.

That is all it takes to heal.  Just love.

I can totally get with you on this. Its how I am still alive. I find though if my insides tell me a story i don't like, or points out the obvious like this one does I need another also true "story" to intellectually cancel out the first one.

So yeah I may be alone. I have my husband. A few friends who I see infrequently, no other interaction other than here or with clients who are sorta "friend" but not really, no 2 way nurturing or building a bond. Just me providing what I do work wise and catching them when they need a lift spiritually/emotionally.

I can accept that, love through that but it would be nice to have an alternate/equally true narrative.

I'm certainly not tangled in any Karma, and apparently I need not incarnate again but will in 2420 so I'm free in life as i am in my reincarnation cycle but it's also nice to build close bonds... but I guess most bonds build Karma.... so