I don't know if you will find parallels here or not.
I am a wanderer. I am always high libido but only with people I have a strong connection with. I would have trouble being single because I only want to be with people that can connect on all levels. I'm 40 and there has only been 2 and you know how they always say the passion dies, I think that's just because most people aren't connecting deeply enough. Its never died for me, or my mates.
I think the "giver" thing very likely is a wanderer trait and one we can get stuck in vs mutual giving and receiving. One of my mates I am no longer with due to marriage conventions he would likely describe his experience exactly as you have except he connected extremely deeply with me to the point he as he state "ran like a scared cat".
Anyways prior to our getting together we had both been in a giver never receiver position but that changed after we connected.
Now it feels unhealthy not to mutually receive and give.
I think the instinct is STO and that is ok when you are trying to love someone that has nothing to share but would give if they did.
When in other cases it is just you giving and the other taking with no connection if you pay attention to how it makes you feel, even if it just reinforces your detachment from your heart for a time or from the act you will figure out if it is healthy for you or not.
In my case and the previously mentioned mates it definitely had an undercurrent as Don Elkins described as being possessed, it was under the surface but there and had effected us both emotionally as a result. The sharing of mutual service open heartedly during sex no matter how kinky was transformational and neither of us will ever be the same.
My current mate is also a wanderer and in life is a giver but is still learning to open his heart during sex. I think our society trains people not to do this. Painting only casual sex as hot. Open hearted sex isn't boring it can be as kinky or exploratory or playful as you want Id say more so as you can truly drop your guards and be totally yourself in the moment.
This is just my experience, quickly typed out at midnight so not gospel, your mileage may vary.
I am a wanderer. I am always high libido but only with people I have a strong connection with. I would have trouble being single because I only want to be with people that can connect on all levels. I'm 40 and there has only been 2 and you know how they always say the passion dies, I think that's just because most people aren't connecting deeply enough. Its never died for me, or my mates.
I think the "giver" thing very likely is a wanderer trait and one we can get stuck in vs mutual giving and receiving. One of my mates I am no longer with due to marriage conventions he would likely describe his experience exactly as you have except he connected extremely deeply with me to the point he as he state "ran like a scared cat".
Anyways prior to our getting together we had both been in a giver never receiver position but that changed after we connected.
Now it feels unhealthy not to mutually receive and give.
I think the instinct is STO and that is ok when you are trying to love someone that has nothing to share but would give if they did.
When in other cases it is just you giving and the other taking with no connection if you pay attention to how it makes you feel, even if it just reinforces your detachment from your heart for a time or from the act you will figure out if it is healthy for you or not.
In my case and the previously mentioned mates it definitely had an undercurrent as Don Elkins described as being possessed, it was under the surface but there and had effected us both emotionally as a result. The sharing of mutual service open heartedly during sex no matter how kinky was transformational and neither of us will ever be the same.
My current mate is also a wanderer and in life is a giver but is still learning to open his heart during sex. I think our society trains people not to do this. Painting only casual sex as hot. Open hearted sex isn't boring it can be as kinky or exploratory or playful as you want Id say more so as you can truly drop your guards and be totally yourself in the moment.
This is just my experience, quickly typed out at midnight so not gospel, your mileage may vary.
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