I has cancer

[Quan]

Thanks, love, that story made my cry. Lovely.
Yes prayer is very strong, one of the palliative care nurses told me of a situation where relatives were standing around the death bed of someone close to them, and praying for that person to recover. The nurse (who apparently was having the "sight") told them to please stop it because it was time for that person to go and they only made it harder for the dying to let go.
Nice synchronicity btw because I have been thinking about death especially this week. On monday it was 7 month and 7 days since my mother died and I put out the bed linens she died in (never dared that before, they are lovely though with roses) and put them on the bed.
I have a slight cold and it manifested already the day before with wierd burps, like the throat was trying to free itself.
This happened for the first time in 2016, when I had my burnout and contracted the flu from my mum who was hospitalized. I have never felt so low like during that time, I literally had no energy left and I remember one night I was lying in bed, and the throat was acting all frantic and i just said "Lord if I die now no problem, at least I won't have to suffer anymore"
So those symptoms came up again on monday. So I laid down and I said "ok I am going to die now" (I wanted to pull a "Ramana", you know he had a panic attack and then thought he was going to die and pretended to, and it was the death of the ego he experienced)
So I lie there, burping my heart out and then I had to get up and actually vomit some slimy stuff, the body was trying to get rid of (and during the day I had already had lots of bowel movements so I remembered "oh wow ,that is like with mum before she died", it was the same, body is trying to cleanse itself)
I did that for three times and then the vomiting stopped.
But no death esperience either    
I just went to sleep and the wierd burps have not reoccurred (well it was the death of the burpety burps then, haha)
So what do we learn from that?
we cannot force some experience, it will happen when it is supposed to (ready when YOU are, I guess)
Another synchronicity, my friend lent me her big bag to take with me to hospital and the bag says "Styx".
That is one of the rivers in the greek underworld.

That is good you like the story, I really have wanted to share with her family too but heart hasnt felt right to hopefully one day it will ive only have with a handfull of people, well until this forum
Haha thats funny about the prayer and nurse told them to stop it. Reminds me of myself actually! my pet guinea pig passed on recently at first I was praying so much for her to stay as I was distraught for her to be healed and sad kept holding her near my face and kissing her. So much emotion crying so loud praying so much. Eventually I thought no I cant be selfish if its her time maybe she is ready to be human or go back to being human so I changed the prayer to instead just be on love to take care of her in the transition and gratitude.    LIke what buddhist monks do to guide the way that type of concept.  as the sadness can hold them back. Now instead being grateful, and knowing that there is a greater purpose. WOuld she want me to be this bubbling mess before she left no of course not just to be full of love to show gratutude and love for her. I kept balancing any sadness with those thoughts and kept focus on her not my silly grief.  It was a very empowering experience ive grown so much from that, another catlyst of the spirit.
Synchronicity galore, Styx you mention ive just started reading a ancient greek type novel Odysesseus and where I live been so much talk as governemnt is having a marathon seating to decide to have euthanasia  or other end of debate have more funding for palliative care.
I will pray for you whenever  comes to mind to be surrounded/filled with love Its more for me to be thankful just to have opportunity.     Yes exactly cannot force some experience, I had a veyr near death experience this year after praying a lot (I i cant recall what) eventually I did jus as you said ok i am ready to die if its my time let it be and just rested in that in a positive empty way, but I didnt i got through it.
Thats interesting on Ramana, I didnt know about that experience. I have read a lot on different Indian gurus and there biographies maybe one on him will be good if available, well if heart permits that is I will wait for the green light. Ha thats a traffic light analogy, nice irony there