10-04-2017, 06:36 AM
(10-04-2017, 02:45 AM)Aion Wrote: How might I ask will manipulation of the ether change your situation? What might you change in the ethers that will produce the reality you desire?
Control over my heart and soul. Magick. I used to have light telekinesis, jedi mind tricks, et cetera, but all this energy in which I've been encased has put a damper on my aura. I remember the correct blueprints. The goal is alchemy. But I need to have control over my mind for that to happen.
The Christians (religious and social) attack me because I'm a gleefully amoral psychopath with a psychotic disorder.
The mental health people do for the same reason.
Gangsters because they just don't like me.
Nazis because degeneracy.
I'm making progress in some areas. My perception and emotions are evolving into something other than human. The competition is steep, though, isn't it? And it's not even these people themselves that I have to fight against. It's the chessmasters moving their little pawns around. Layers upon layers upon layers. That's why I have to take a few deep breaths and survey my situation - away from other people's eyes - before I do anything. I realize now, looking back, there are several situations that might have ended rather badly if I'd followed the bait.
Some of the stuff I was accused of wasn't me. I think someone wanted my ass kicked and figured out how to manipulate a bunch of other people into doing it for them. And I don't care about whatever... I sure as hell am not just gonna sit around until I'm 80 twiddling my thumbs. I'll make it out. I'll fix my brain. f*** everyone.
I need to level up to adepthood rather quickly.
In some ways, I'm exceptionally powerful; in other ways, weak. The latter will be able to be dealt with easily now that I have the emotional hardening that I do. The real problem is getting back to where I was, but the blueprints are still there. Maybe I just need to do all those things I listed at once, kick even minor drugs like caffeine, get some exercise, become productive... and develop the soul. I can't do anything in a state like this... gotta kick myself up a few notches.
My problem is that an immune response in my spirit won't let me move until certain problems have been dealt with. Maybe that's what I need to focus on.
I'm still a lot stronger than some, in some ways. More than a decade of this bullshit and they still haven't broken me. Bent me a little, for sure, but my middle finger's still high in the air.
Sin, hate, lust, violence, science, drugs, math, psychosis... all wonderful things, but don't mean anything compared to the development of the soul. I wanna - and will - get to the point where I can manipulate the energy around me and beyond.