I has cancer

[JayCee]

Thank you all, you are so lovely !
I love you. So much love. Incredible.
Someone said about fighting it.
I will not fight anything, let alone my own body. I have seen my father fight till his very last breath and it was not a good sight to behold, the way he died. When we fight something we have already lost. Remember that scene in the Matrix? Neo finally stopped fighting his alter ego Smith and that is when the change happened, when he finally realized that fighting was a waste of time.
And re meditating on the cancer, it is very obvious why it came.
I have been caring for my mama for the last three years to the point of totally forgetting about my own needs and cares.
And now I have breast cancer and the latin word for breast is mamma. The synchronicity is really blatant.
And please don't misunderstand me, I wlll get treatment, I already found a doctor whom I can trust (which is not easy for me because I am naturally suspicious of the medical establishment, haha)
A friend of mine said "maybe the good thing is, now you will lose your doctor phobia".
The good thing is - I now have to let other people care for me! because I am not used to that at all, I was always there for everyone else and taking care of them.
And now the way things unfold it is the other way round.
Re giving God a hug, that is lovely and made me smile. I have not been hugged so much in ages, like during those last days. And I know whenever I hug someone, I hug God also because he is in each and every one around me.
Another thing, I gained weight during the last year when things were already bad with my mum and I wasn't able to lose it. Now that is happening by itself because my body forces me to eat really healthy.
Because if i sip my wine in the evening like before and have chocolates I will sweat my heart out during the night. Now no more wine and it is nuts and herbal tea and I am fine. Even if I wanted wine, I just could not! it is not possible.
I already told my colleague "when I come back, watch out, I am a really obnoxious health nazi now"
I see you are all lovely people and want to help.
So as it is about me accepting help and you wanting to give I offer you the following:
if you feel like it and want to help, you could send me love and pray that no matter what happens, the situation will be for the best and highest good of all involved.
And that includes you, too, of course.