08-20-2017, 11:01 PM
(08-20-2017, 03:24 PM)JayCee Wrote: Ches, your story reminds me of my own experience, and the savior complex afterwards and then the deep deep fall from grace and the feeling of having lost it all etc.
imo those things happen to keep us searching, to give us a glimpse of what is possible.
re the incest thing about your work colleague - is his sister underage?
Can you find that out?
because if she is a minor, you could inform child protection services.
I don't think I can find out anything for sure, I know she is younger but literally, when I was "tapped-in", I was getting so much information from whatever it is that feeds us information and they were all .. mis-matched. From my own "knowing" ... the "download of knowledge from source"... all was perfect, creation was perfect, all was as it is and we could relish in the opportunity to experience this life with all it's contrasts and obstacles and challenges that we have placed there, or we could be in despair about it and either way - after we have finished this incarnation - we still relish the exploration of whatever it is we learnt/experienced as "creation experiencing creation". That was the basic principle that I was living when I was "in the high".
Then there was the dreams and visions that came during the "catalyst":
The Dreams: they felt benevolent in nature but feeding me stuff that would've ended in catastrophe in that I would've "sounded insane" if I had've repeated it in the 3d world that we live (an earlier video shares some of what the dreams were providing, but they were really full-on realistic movie/dreams that were really strong conversations that I remembered upon waking).
I don't get any of this anymore, it only happened when I was "tapped-in" to the experiment, it wasn't just with him either, it was with a lot of people. But in that video I was trying to recall just the past 2 weeks at that time, which was with 2 people from work, a manager in which the dream told me about a food product that was causing her allergens and illness of health and brain-fog/lethargy, etc and the dream told me to let her know about - Pine Nuts of all things.. that was an interesting conversation to try and bring up randomly to a manager lol but I did.. )
...and the other was the dreams that were word-for-word scripts to give that co-worker about some kind of force/entity/energies that were attached to him that were basically manipulating him to do "evil", and I don't recall everything now that it's 3 years later, but it was definitely not something that I was able to voice to him in-person, instead I attempted to do healings on him, um, "intention-reiki" kinda things... drawing out whatever was troubling him, helping him by providing a safe-space, holding him.. being present/open, and also through my own prayers in a way.. asking that whatever is causing him all this distress that I will take it for him. I honestly felt really empowered at that time, and I didn't realize how full-on my ego was when I was in this "higher-state of being" but I felt invincible in a way and really thought I could take whatever it was that was harming him and that my being could transmute it. It didn't seem crazy at the time (it felt completely crazy afterwards though when I "came out of that state").
The being in the dream, I "saw" or "interpreted" as his younger-self/his child-self asking/begging for help, and later, I realized that it might not of been his soul or soul-family asking me to help him, but other multi-dimensional beings manipulating me.. because can you imagine if I had of repeated any of that to anyone that doesn't know anything about this stuff? And me, not knowing anything about this stuff either. It was so "out-there". I was very much in denial about them really existing but also partly coming to terms with it at the same time.
From my logical mindset, I think it was some kind of trauma/psychosis of my own (when I had the kundalini energy or whatever it was open up my lid on the universe.. I "willed it" into my being not thinking that it would even work - let alone consequences - let alone that I wasn't ready, cos I was arrogant I guess lol that I was striving to advance and I wanted to know the truth of everything and .. kept pushing myself to learn more).. .
From my "crazy" mindset (like after I got the "fear", after all the triggers of past-things coming up, after he brought up rape and incest and speaking ill of others and so on.. basically, after I started getting "doubt" and "fear"), I thought it could be other beings feeding off either his or my energy and putting in potential scripts that would cause more "stuff" to feed off or whatever they intended. Since we were intimate, there was also this "succubus/incubus" type of energy too and that was so new to me. I consider myself asexual (I don't "feel the urge to have sex" - in other words, I relate more to the "Don" in the Law of One trio as far as sex is concerned). And this ended up being so completely away from my normal self that at first, I thought this new being of me.. was triggered by the surrender/experiment... it allowed me to be "completely free" in this world, and I didn't think of consequences or betrayals or anything.. I just had complete oneness/trust with the universe and then.. these "weird things" started happening and I was in that "nutty" state.. and didn't have my little "logical friend" or "scared ego" to help balance back to making some "3d" sense.
The dreams also inferred that we're all .. soul-family. All of us. That we're here to help each other, we're all part of the same soul-family and that all is well / all is part of it. That part, I really truly understood & believed 100% at the time (but don't now.).
At the same time that I had dreams, I had random full-on visions. These visions did not feel "benevolent" in nature. They felt "malevolent" but even so - I was 1.) Excited to have visions, being that I had never had them before and this felt like a new "superpower", that I thought was a part of "breaking-through-the-lid" on the universe.. part of the "success" of the experiment.. being able to read other people's minds and stuff, but 2.) Freaked out about where the information was coming from and that they were so horribly opposite to the dreams. The "visions" showed me him "poking fun at me".. they showed me that he was standing around with his friends and co-workers, sharing our private conversations, figuring out what to write to me to see what answer I would come up with, sharing everything that I sent him whilst I was trying to show him that he can trust me, and basically showing me that I was the "joke".
So I had a decision to make ... do I trust my dreams (soul-family helping each other, but crazy references to neg-beings that needed to be extracted), trust the visions (that basically made me the in-house joke to everyone at work but that I felt were coming from something very-negative in nature, and could be "paranoia" from my own fears), disregard both and just trust him (he was kind and shy in-person), and all the while we're seeing each other all the time and talking and I'm not mentioning any of this stuff that is coming up for me, but they are happening and I'm trying to "figure out which one to trust", which one (if any) was truth.
I thought maybe I was getting paranoid because of whatever was happening and I decided that I would trust the dreams over the visions because that was the "preferred reality", seemed more benevolent to me, and the dreams makes him "innocent" of all wrong-doing, and puts me in a better light and so on. It also seemed like the right idea because that meant any fear that came up, was my own responsibility to work on, and it was also more in alignment to what I believed at the time, with the creation-exploring-creation, so it put me in a place where I could "create a better timeline" somehow and work through the things that were coming up and stay happy.
However, as time passed, I realized that the visions were the more accurate out of the two, and that just blew me away - how could I have manifested this.. how did I create this.. etc. etc. how did I end up putting myself in a situation where this could happen.. it was so.. cross-eyed for me because it was bliss in that higher-state and I really felt that's how this world should and will be when we all open our hearts to oneness and see each as the perfect beings they are. This was not a romantic love-based relationship. This turned intimate out of "care" and "sharing trust", it was not like a love-based relationship. It was me seeing pain in his soul, and surrendering my own to help him. It was not normal (and this was also a lesson for me - never become intimate with someone without both hearts-being open because that just added confusion and complexity to it).
I definitely wasn't thinking about 3d-consequences when I was experiencing a 4d+ kind of dimension .. and honestly.. .I still struggle trying to get my mind around it because when I was in it, it was like all the beings in that realm had "upgraded" too.. it was like experiencing the same people, in a higher-dimension too.. until I came "out of it". I have no idea how to explain this to anyone that hasn't experienced it, and I'm still trying to find anyone who has experienced this and if they managed to "get out ok" (and I want "back in" lol.. but without losing my logic and discernment.. like, when I go back.. I will have balanced my lower triad of chakras before opening up to any realm that I am not ready for).
Then my normal 3d mainstream brain that wants to really figure this out, thinks.. it must've been some kind of PTSD kundalini/psychosis thing because when I was "in that reality".. I couldn't see normal 3d mainstream anything. I think this must be what "insane" people in mental asylums are like. Your reality is real to you, but not to anyone else.
When I was in that realm, I wasn't thinking of his sister in any negative/concerned way, not the same that I did when I came "down". It was like.. I understood that creation wants to explore creation.. there is no wrong, just society places "wrongness" in us, programmes this "wrongness" in us, and yet from that higher-space, that higher-realm, it's all perfect.. it's all .. beings exploring other beings.. and it's all love-based, it's not .. wrong at all.. its.. beautiful and interesting and .. the only reason we feel shame in it at all, is because we have these "rules" that say that one thing is "right" and another is "wrong" but that we experience all in this realm and it's not wrong.. it's just learning "what its like" to be that, do that, with that person and .. it's all.. perfect.. it's learning, it's exploring.. it's beautiful.
What I saw.. from my state.. is that he was troubled by it. That he didn't have the same "life is perfect" perception that I did, and I wanted him to release that guilt and suffering that he was carrying and explore that .. what he thought he had done 'wrong' in the past, can be cleared as you walk your "rightness" of you in the now and from now on. That you forgive yourself and all others, and then you step-into the creation that you want to experience. Basically, I wanted to hand him a bottle of whatever drug it was that I was on at the time (the higher-perspective, not an actual drug lol).. to experience reality from the "creator's eyes".
When I came down from that state... basically because I started to doubt-myself because all of sudden, I'm on the outer and I'm starting to get stressed and fear, and that nothing I'm saying is making sense and he's starting to get scarier and scarier in his text messages (not face-to-face, but via text sharing some really awful stuff).. I think that's when I realized I wasn't up to the task on this one and that my life was in danger with him and I started to doubt my beliefs (because life/the universe was showing me that I was wrong). Then he cut off communication completely and started spreading the rumours and it's like I manifested "the visions" - the very thing I didn't want to believe.
Now, since posting what I posted a couple of days ago ( a release for me ), I'm starting to see that there is nothing I need do about his sister. That anything I do .. will cause conflict, drama and a nightmare for all involved and that some skeletons are best to stay in the closet. And maybe, just maybe him "confessing" whatever he felt safe to confess to me, was enough to stop doing whatever he may of been doing that is harmful to other-selves and to himself. We don't know what ripple-effect we have in other people's lives, but I hope that him telling me, has changed the ripple-effect of what he may of been doing to cause harm, if that's even what was going on to begin with (because I only know that he was "into it".. and I don't know if he was only "into it" with mates-around-a-beer-table text-messaging the crazy-high-girl kinda thing.. like, to see "just how far this girl really accepts all the bad things in life) because I don't think like that.. I don't think how far to push someone else or hurt someone else or make-fun of someone else.. some people do, and I guess that was his lesson/teaching to me, that not everyone who seems kind, has your best intentions and that some people's "sense of fun" is to bring-down others.
If I brought in any kind of authorities.. it's just heresay. He could go to jail, he could become a nemesis towards me for life. He could arrange for my murder. It would destroy their family. It would destroy any relationship that I & he also has in the workplace - other coworkers, other friends. It is "my word" against his and I don't want the limelight. And ... with these Law of One kind of teachings... I don't actually see it as wrong and punishable, if someone sees that they are harming someone and "stops it" of their own accord and starts to become a better person because of doing that harm to another, then maybe that was the catalyst they enlisted to experience in this incarnation. And also.. what if I'm wrong? What if he was into it, but not acting upon it? Then I'd have caused distress to perhaps hundreds of people in the ripple-effect for no reason.
But it was distressing at the time not knowing what to do or if it was my own "ego" being hurt. (Because I see that in other people.. when their ego gets hurt, they want to 'lash-out' at others) and I wonder how many people are in jail out of someone's ego being hurt, that don't actually need to be in jail to get their lessons.
Oops, sorry for the book.... I guess I'm doing more release-work here. lol... "Bring4th therapy" - don't worry about replying.. I think I'm just "expressing" / learning more about myself.