Help...

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

Have you noticed how you are completely aware of your issues and at numerous times point out things you 'know' you need to do for yourself that you feel would make improvements, and yet, the cycle seems to perpetuate? It kind of blows my mind, to be honest. Not just you but I know others who are so perceptive and able to dissect their own selves and life around them but they cannot for the life of them see the forest for the trees, the solutions that they present to themselves. I used to be just like this until I kind of snapped and realized how much I was lying to myself.

I realize I'm like a dog chasing my tail, I wouldn't be here saying 'help me stop chasing my tail, damn it there it is, TAAILLL, COME HEEERE' if I hadn't.

Also I don't fully understand what you mean, could you enunciate or specify for me?

If you'd like to meditate with other people, there are two weekly meditations in the chatroom that you are more than welcome to join.

I also bet that if you went to meetup.com you would find a plethora of spiritual/meditation groups that meet in your area. In fact, I did a search, and it actually exceeds my wildest expectations: https://www.meetup.com/topics/meditation.../chandler/

Otherwise, try to do it every morning when you wake up. I try to - I don't always succeed (if I don't make it in the morning it gets pushed to afternoon/evening) but I find the morning, starting the day off with a mood, is very productive.

I would love to.  I just seem to always miss it from forgetting or sleeping.  I came close to making a thread to invite others to meditate with me but considering how inactive B4 usually is when I'm personally on or when I choose to meditate just kind of felt like I'd be asking the wind.

I'll see about your other advice though.  I'd like to actually have a quiet place to meditate that isn't a car or some place with headphones in.  Still, I try, just hard sometimes.

Late here must zzzzzzz

but

I'm exhausted from only reading the first quarter of your recent reply post... (let alone the waaaay 'too much personal info' sharing about porn and weed!) (*eeeeeouwww*)

I'd like to say (with a kind energy) - that maybe you might benefit from looking at just how enormously much 'talk' you've engaged in (like I was pointing out)... when what you and us all, have identified is that it's NOW time to put all the energy you use for that constant talk and analysis into ACTION !! 0_0

weed is a serious sedative.... sex addiction is an energy thief too - and at the rate you're "using" no wonder you have no energy!

I feel like I'm soon going to need to back away - I'm getting irked by having to repeat advice that' only met with talk and no 'walk'...

it'd be great if you show this to be wrong... but of course you need to go at the pace right for you - just be aware that the longer you hold to a habit the stronger it forms... if you were in a great life the issue of your addictions would still need confronting (imo) but at least you'd be independent financially and logistically.

When I keep deferring things I need to do, I remind myself of past times that procrastination has cost me and put me into a world of oppression and pain... it gets me off the couch fast - but I had to learn the most hard - by nearly dying - that's why I posted the 'Life in 5 chapters' by Portia...

what needs fixing - that we ignore/postpone - will come to bite us far harder the longer we leave it. Life starts the teaching with a whisper of what's wrong - and each time increases the volume to get through to us - don't let the message become a scream. You're still young - you have time to avoid disaster. Change sooner because the longer you leave it the more difficult it becomes.


That you smoke weed will make taking action even more difficult - I didn't have the actual energy to change my life till I stopped drowning in drinking....

and that first 12 months sober I was still living in a situation of severe psychological threat/fear/stress already with PTSD from earlier violence in my life (!)

there's a big difference between a relaxing occasional glass of wine/shared joint with a friend or partner on a weekend in your own place after a good meal and a happy productive week, all bills paid, no-one arguing or bossing you around; than the addiction you've got and the environment you're trying to block out with a weed/sex addiction. I see you analyse the destructiveness of sex addiction ... and you raise critical points... there's extreme toxicity in this area and you're psychically, psychologically embroiled with dark phenomena and blunting your sexuality, feelings around pleasure, emotions around loving, etc

but as I said I couldn't finish your reply - I hope you stop posting here and (imo) revelling in the analysis of all this - write a list of practical steps, put down your joint (and your dick 0_0)

and TAKE ACTION TO LIBERATE YOURSELF


I look forward to you setting up a blog or similar on B4 with daily 'check ins of positive actions you're taking and we can give support to changes you're making... and help brainstorm more practical help...

I will read the rest of your reply tomorrow... but seriously  - until you change things - most of your posting (analysing your life over and over) is redundant

I can agree, it's why I haven't watched any pornographic content with one exception (being pixel art porn to get an idea of anatomy in pixelation), and yesterday was my last day for weed for a while.  I don't understand the stigma with talking.  If you don't want me to express my problems in an honest open attempt to see them and get feedback from them, then I won't.

I'm going as best I can, for what I've been given, I'm faulty like the rest.  Please don't shame me or my artistic tastes.

That 'pornography' belongs to one of the greatest pixel artists out there, who isn't afraid of using male and female forms in his works:



A naked body does not mean Pornography...  A naked female form is NOT pornographic.  Please don't call me gross, I find it kind of unfair to immediately call my taste in an art form pornographic because there was a female form scantily clad or animated provocatively as it's subject matter.  Pornographic imagery is very clearly pornographic, nudity is not pornographic.

Some more works by that same artist:








It's not pornographic, it's an art form.

I'll never understand the issues with the human form.  Just because an image contains a naked form in it doesn't make it pornographic.  Sometimes, it's just art.

Either way, it's clear that people are sick of talking to me, so I'll just ask a mod to delete this thread. Thanks for the support, sorry to burden you all.