Help...

[smc]

If I may ask  (?) Do you have any addictions?

I ask this because you will not be of enough will and health and personal power if you are in active addiction.
I ask because I know the theft of energy and self belief that addiction causes.

You needn't answer if this is intrusive, incorrect, or not useful for you.

Otherwise:

1 - IMO you are so often venting to cope -  and will continue to vent to cope - as long as that gives you enough temporary relief; or s*** hits the fan and forces the radical change needed that you're resisting.

2 - "Argue for your limitations; and sure enough, they're yours."
(Richard Bach)

3) - “There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk: Autobiography In Five Short Chapters” ~ Portia Nelson

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.