The service of giving attention to another self

[Glow]

Can I ask just to clarify the situation.
Do you ever need their attention? If so do they ever refuse you?

I think part of the issue is that we all have times when we need to externalize our life's drama in order to help process it. Sometimes it comes out more "processed" and concise; other times we are working it out as we speak it, and whether we know it or not we are asking for a great deal of patient witness. So I've always conceived of this tension as one of patience vs impatience, and I'm a bit shocked that nobody else here seems to see it that way! That's why I found all the responses so interesting; they genuinely clued me in to an aspect I had not considered.

I'm trying to understand if this is you not liking to feel you have to be there for someone who isn't there for you or if you just generally resent anyone expecting you would be there for them when they need you. Like you feel controlled by the expectation that you would provide care even if someone does for you. Both valid experiences but totally different "nut".

It's the drain of energy that it takes to listen to somebody in order to find out how to be there for them, when I think part of the lesson is that listening itself is a way to be there for them, without needing to deliver a fix that resolves the situation. Sometimes people want such understanding of their predicament and identification with their way of looking at it that they don't really want another perspective. In such scenarios, it feels like the interaction affords me no opportunity for service other than to feel the negativity they feel. If I were more self-knowledgeable, of course I would not fear being swept up in their emotional situation. That's why I just assumed it was an issue with me; that were I in touch with the ultimate source of comfort more than I am, these charged situations would create no charged reaction in me. Does that make sense?

Thanks for your patience waiting for me to work this out via the written word, it must be only slightly more bearable than hearing me blab on, lol. All ironies acknowledged!

I think is is very sweet you are facing this in yourself.
That is service to others, even doing that.

We all like to help elivate people's issues so I get the anxiety about trying to know what to do. I think you are right though just listening is the mosts urgent need of most people. Going there with them does help, huge service. I don't think it's vamipirism either as I give that to anyone who needs it, strangers even and sometimes I need it too. Not codependent but as a species we are meant to be interdependent and one need is to be known/understood/...intimacy.... it's my favourite.
I do not consider those who call me or need an ear vampires. If they need love that's pretty much the only thing I'm good at. Not everyone is up for that, like you said if you get swept up in their pain then you will need saving.

I've learned not to take their pain with me, go there in the moment but let it go after... except one persons I identify with to fully. He can screw me up for weeks but I still can't not be there with him. I'm learning little by little to release his stuff after talking too but it's harder. Everyone else I have learned to go deep with them but release it after.

Have you learned to shield at all yet. A spiritual hypnotist taught me the best one, he said I was too open like a screen door and keeping everyone's stuff.

Very easy no magic, picture tipping a clear drinking glass over yourself like a dome. If it's still to much tip one over them too. Most times I don't use that but if I'm already maxed out it makes me still be able to offer something. I can't feel them as deeply because my own energy surrounds me but this way if it's all I can manage that day at least I didn't make them feel worse.

Sometimes I'm ok when listening but later at night I will start feeling their stuff again and it will take hold, I'm sure it's some energetic connection. I just visualize tipping that glass over myself and I promise it eases that distress.

I have met a few super high emotion would suck every minute dry with their angst kind of people and those ones are tougher. A few of them I've offered to meditate with them I don't know if you are dealing with people like that but I haven't found the sure solution to these ones. I'd still not say they are vampires they are just people with no coping skill and perhaps complete lack of mutual support from others..

As to listening to you "blab on" it's kind of what I live for.
I love getting to know people and the inner workings of their heart and mind.
Thank you for that gift. Feel free to blab.