The service of giving attention to another self

[rva_jeremy]

Can I ask just to clarify the situation.
Do you ever need their attention? If so do they ever refuse you?

I think part of the issue is that we all have times when we need to externalize our life's drama in order to help process it. Sometimes it comes out more "processed" and concise; other times we are working it out as we speak it, and whether we know it or not we are asking for a great deal of patient witness. So I've always conceived of this tension as one of patience vs impatience, and I'm a bit shocked that nobody else here seems to see it that way! That's why I found all the responses so interesting; they genuinely clued me in to an aspect I had not considered.

I'm trying to understand if this is you not liking to feel you have to be there for someone who isn't there for you or if you just generally resent anyone expecting you would be there for them when they need you. Like you feel controlled by the expectation that you would provide care even if someone does for you. Both valid experiences but totally different "nut".

It's the drain of energy that it takes to listen to somebody in order to find out how to be there for them, when I think part of the lesson is that listening itself is a way to be there for them, without needing to deliver a fix that resolves the situation. Sometimes people want such understanding of their predicament and identification with their way of looking at it that they don't really want another perspective. In such scenarios, it feels like the interaction affords me no opportunity for service other than to feel the negativity they feel. If I were more self-knowledgeable, of course I would not fear being swept up in their emotional situation. That's why I just assumed it was an issue with me; that were I in touch with the ultimate source of comfort more than I am, these charged situations would create no charged reaction in me. Does that make sense?

Thanks for your patience waiting for me to work this out via the written word, it must be only slightly more bearable than hearing me blab on, lol. All ironies acknowledged!