05-02-2017, 03:04 PM
I wonder if others struggle with something that has been a lifelong condition for me: frustration, anger, and exhaustion with those who seem to monopolize my attention. Lately I've come to see this as a perennial root (or low-level) cause of conflicts in my life. When people demand my attention at times I don't care to give it, it creates a great conflict within me, often leading to behaviors that are not my highest and best.
On the one hand, it seems trifling to deny a human contact, respect, and acknowledgement--it's such a small price to pay, and we all need it. And we all have times where we need it more and in greater quantities than at other times. In fact, I think attention is a kind of gift we give one another to mutually create and reinforce self consciousness within society. There is a sense in which we positively owe another our attention for the pure reason that they owe it to us, and that this is a basis of selfhood within the yellow ray experience. All of this to say that I think giving attention to another goes beyond mere "service" in the same way that refraining from punching people is not simply a service I perform.
On the other hand, when an inch is given and a mile is taken, I think I feel a sense of violation out of proportion to the actual situation. It creates deep anxiety to feel I am obligated to continue interacting with somebody with whom I feel no mutual energy exchange or with whom I simply have not chosen to serve open-heartedly. Whether or not it's nice or loving of me to reject the performance of a service at any given moment, I'm less interested in the "should" here and more interested in the nature of the blockage or tension.
I don't expect anybody to unblock me via the internet, heh, but I was wondering if others have had success in cracking this nut. Thank you!
On the one hand, it seems trifling to deny a human contact, respect, and acknowledgement--it's such a small price to pay, and we all need it. And we all have times where we need it more and in greater quantities than at other times. In fact, I think attention is a kind of gift we give one another to mutually create and reinforce self consciousness within society. There is a sense in which we positively owe another our attention for the pure reason that they owe it to us, and that this is a basis of selfhood within the yellow ray experience. All of this to say that I think giving attention to another goes beyond mere "service" in the same way that refraining from punching people is not simply a service I perform.
On the other hand, when an inch is given and a mile is taken, I think I feel a sense of violation out of proportion to the actual situation. It creates deep anxiety to feel I am obligated to continue interacting with somebody with whom I feel no mutual energy exchange or with whom I simply have not chosen to serve open-heartedly. Whether or not it's nice or loving of me to reject the performance of a service at any given moment, I'm less interested in the "should" here and more interested in the nature of the blockage or tension.
I don't expect anybody to unblock me via the internet, heh, but I was wondering if others have had success in cracking this nut. Thank you!
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