11-11-2010, 09:17 PM
Wow, it's been a while since I heard that song 
I loved it when it came out... this one needs to be mentioned too Of course, I was much less happy then 
In the case of the death of a loved one. We can use the mourning period as a period in which we recall all the awesome things and experiences we had with someone. You'll still miss them, habits around these people have to wear off just the same, the preoccupation is neurological, that won't change, but instead of being "heart breaking", the mourning process can also be "heart warming". The feelings that come are the sum of all the feelings you associate with all the thoughts that come up.
To truly miss someone is, if you look at it without the hurt, an extremely beautiful thing. Having them around is of course much better..
But there's another one that I noted... You can tackle conflicts the exact same way. Our instinctual response to conflict is agression. By choosing emotions. We can choose patience and firmness. The effect is much more powerful as it can disarm the other self and put them in a frame of reason. Sometimes people can interpret a passive approach to conflict as weakness. We will be considered safe enough to dump the negativity on, but too weak to be shown the hurt of the other. That's why we need firmness. Then it becomes passive but with strength, and giving that to the other too. You put your own emotional responses aside for a second to be with another person. And when we're angry usually we just want to be heard. I had a lot of practice in this
but am very satisfied with the outcomes. I definitely recommend it.
A story of the Buddha is told that set me an example, he once was at a city gate and met someone who considered or thought him an enemy. This man immediately verbally attacks the Buddha, being quite inventive too. The Buddha just stands and looks at him... Only after 30 minutes the man slows down enough for the Buddha to get a word in. The Buddha said "I see you need some time to reinvent new things to call me. Shall we continue same time tomorrow?"
Instead of seeing someone who was hurting him he saw someone who was hurt. Reality followed perception. Happiness pretty much comes when you stop taking yourself too seriously.
I loved it when it came out... this one needs to be mentioned too Of course, I was much less happy then Quote:I realised it didn't make me a bad person to stop thinking them.That's a good thing to note. In a way, we can come across as insensitive by choosing feelings. As if you don't really care because you're not sad enough or something.
In the case of the death of a loved one. We can use the mourning period as a period in which we recall all the awesome things and experiences we had with someone. You'll still miss them, habits around these people have to wear off just the same, the preoccupation is neurological, that won't change, but instead of being "heart breaking", the mourning process can also be "heart warming". The feelings that come are the sum of all the feelings you associate with all the thoughts that come up.
To truly miss someone is, if you look at it without the hurt, an extremely beautiful thing. Having them around is of course much better..
But there's another one that I noted... You can tackle conflicts the exact same way. Our instinctual response to conflict is agression. By choosing emotions. We can choose patience and firmness. The effect is much more powerful as it can disarm the other self and put them in a frame of reason. Sometimes people can interpret a passive approach to conflict as weakness. We will be considered safe enough to dump the negativity on, but too weak to be shown the hurt of the other. That's why we need firmness. Then it becomes passive but with strength, and giving that to the other too. You put your own emotional responses aside for a second to be with another person. And when we're angry usually we just want to be heard. I had a lot of practice in this
but am very satisfied with the outcomes. I definitely recommend it.A story of the Buddha is told that set me an example, he once was at a city gate and met someone who considered or thought him an enemy. This man immediately verbally attacks the Buddha, being quite inventive too. The Buddha just stands and looks at him... Only after 30 minutes the man slows down enough for the Buddha to get a word in. The Buddha said "I see you need some time to reinvent new things to call me. Shall we continue same time tomorrow?"
Instead of seeing someone who was hurting him he saw someone who was hurt. Reality followed perception. Happiness pretty much comes when you stop taking yourself too seriously.