Being institutionalized.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

Instead of posting the (checking...) 20 page long vulgar severely angry post I wrote up, I'll just delete it and leave the ending:

I feel that the place I am, as a creation, is in ways, wrong for what could be of 'an infinite being'.  I find this Earth distasteful and wrong.  I find reincarnation of these types to be especially apathetic and selfish in the name of selflessness and hence of themselves wrong.  I know I say there is no wrong but wrong its self, but I'm pretty damn sure rape is universally for a being like myself wrong, and if that's the case, there are many other things in my mind that fit 'wrong' from simply being themselves 'wrong its self'.

I do not believe in the universe as being loving the way everyone else of the Law of One might, to me, there is much more horror than beauty for people in 3D and as above/so below in many other non-physical areas of Creation.  I believe my life is one with a theme of learning to provide love to abuse, because I am for all intents and purposes literally trapped from my desired life and stuck in this abusive one.

Worse yet, I'm like a child that needs his hand held just to do anything anymore because of this...

I'd rather die than spend another 24 years living this way, but what's there to even actually help or support me tangibly to help me do so for myself?

No, I'm ready to just submit to the fact my situation is one so f***** in my mind that I don't have the mental faculties anymore to do anything about it.

I don't know how to live, I wasn't raised by my mother or father, I was pretty much used.  I can't function alone but I'm alone about 90% of my waking life.

This incarnation was a mistake.  If I were a more selfish being, I'd go kill myself right now.

I don't want to talk about these things anymore...  All I've learned from this thread is again, just how far twisting the depths of f*****-up-ness go in my life.  I thought everything I shared was NORMAL

I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW SERIOUS IT WAS TO SHARE THIS STUFF!  I didn't even know it was a big deal...

I'm just gonna go cry and give up because I don't know what else to fucking do.  I'm so screwed up I don't even have awareness of it.

Thanks everyone, I'm done with this thread, do with it whatever you want, talk about pink elephants or something.  I don't want to talk about myself or my life anymore...

So much more to tell but...It's all just like the serious stuff, and now I realize how serious it is and now I really don;t know what to do anymore.

I'm just gonna go...   can't even type anymore...