Being institutionalized.

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

this is frustrating for me because I care - but I will stop replying if you want  -

-  do you want an opportunity to explain why she gets all your money but pays no bills? is there something to your situation I don't understand or know about? it seems very very unfair

hey yo pm about this stuff this thread is coordinate_apotheosis oriented

Oh God please no.  Any act of care is welcome in any thread of mine, especially the kind SMC is offering, no worries Sjel.  Besides, a thread focusing on solely me would be...Embarrassing :-/

No worries SMC.

Hey Brother,

I had something very similar happen to me when I was 24. My mom called the emergency doctor because she was convinced I needed to be taken in. The context was a little different because I had been diagnosed with "drug induced psychosis" and was being monitored rather than sectioned. Two doctors gave me a visit and I explained to them that my mom was struggling with my own sudden transformation. The sudden realisation of my own inner power after quitting drugs had left her in a state of chaos as her own sense of identity was abruptly threatened. I was no longer dependent upon her and the sudden power shift caused her to panic. The doctors decided not to section me, but it was then that I realised I had a responsibility to parent my own mom. The ethics of remaining under her roof made the delicacy of our situation very vivid to me.

Diana's advice is brilliant. We do love and support you here, and I dearly hope you can use this opportunity to turn your attention towards what you are frightened of, and how you can turn your attention to it.

And through the process never forget that all is truly well. Big hugs!

(   )

Sometimes I feel like I'm going to end up parenting my Mom eventually.  I don't look forward to it.  I honestly...  Eh, sigh...

What am I truly frightened of?  It's stupid.

Dear CA, break the inertia in any way you can. I'm sure you understand what I mean by that, as, as many here have noted, you are intelligent. Don't settle. You have the love and support of everyone here.

You know, for such an 'intelligent' person I have done some highly unintelligent things.  I could have avoided my FASFA loans defaulting and I was too scared of making a few phone calls to do that.  I could have gotten Food Stamps by now probably but I'm too scared to go in and through the process.  All of which I could have been smart enough to play the system or get a friend or someone to help me but no.

I'm not 'intelligent', I just know how to act smart...When it comes down to it, I don't know anything about anything for real.  I don't feel intelligent or smart.  I really don't.  An intelligent person makes something of their life, pulls through things like loneliness and isolation, smart people find a way.

Or more, I would call myself metaphysically intelligent, in areas of beauty and thoughts and some of logic.  But, I don't even know how to pay bills.  I couldn't fix a broken pipe or a wall outlet, don't even know how to patch a hole in a wall or sew a hole in clothes.  I can't even get a garden.

Intelligent, thanks.  Maybe I'm just in the wrong kind of mood to receive compliments because I didn't take it so good.


In fact, in all honesty, I'm horrified.  No one's ever shown me love or support on an emotional level with few short exceptions, I don't know how to react or respond.  Like...I'm happy, but people caring about me.  Just makes me feel bad, like I'm wasting all of everyone's time.

If I was smart I'd not have dropped out of college.  I wouldn't have a son I don't know anything about.  I wouldn't be in debt with an eviction and extremely bad credit, wouldn't be living with my mother without a job for so long. I'd have learned a second language by now, I'd know how to actually program something, I'd be able to build a computer, finish writing a book.

Maybe it's just another paradox, I'm smart with some things and stupid with others?

I know this is hard but you need to get out of there. You're in an abusive situation. I can arrange to put you up someplace for a while, it may be just a tent in a backyard in socal but it'll be better than being abused. I can get you a greyhound or something. PM me if you're interested. I'm serious.

Greyhound like a dog?

As lovely as living in a tent sounds, I'd rather live in one out in the wilderness Nomad style.

The offer is generous, I'll keep it in mind but honestly, I'm not sure I should bother trying anything at all.  I see this as my problem, living with my mom, and I feel like I'm supposed to figure it out on my own...  That I need to find a friend to move in with and make things work, manage to find a job that won't drive me so insane I quit, and just manage to live my life a bit independently...

Though to be honest, I don't know if I'm capable of such sometimes when I look back at the last time I lived on my own (with a pregnant girlfriend).

Continuing in another post--