I am in hell

[kevn]

"Zoom your sense of 'I' outwards until you reach the One."

You're gonna need a very high-tech zoom that goes faster than the Universe expands to do that

Try the opposite: Remove your sense of 'I'. Much easier to remove the 'I' to find the whole than to try and cover the whole whole with the 'I'... Talking about the psychological ego here, of course. Stay alive Also, remove the bodily ego, too (much easier): anything having to do with emotions/posture. It might take a while, but you seem dedicated. Try the Ra exercises of balancing: find patience where there is impatience, etc. At some point, you will realize you contain everything, so therefore are everything, so therefore are nothing in particular. That's when the 'I' should start losing its grip by losing its content/identity.

"God, whose love and joy are present everywhere, can't come to visit you unless you aren't there"
- Angelus Silesius

"If you want to become full, let yourself be empty. If you want to be reborn, let yourself die."
- Lao Tzu

"Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." [...] "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven"
- Jesus

See the pattern? No 'I', no 'I', no 'I'...

Again, I stress: we're talking about the psychological ego, here. Stay alive!

My 2 cents...