I am in hell

[sjel]

Thanks coordinate. i feel like crying but i can't now, although i did intermittently today. i feel like the pent up energy inside is softened, but still pent up. i have so little faith. i chanted "open up, my paain." in a totem voice while stomping my feet, it felt right. i felt my throat closed up and swollen. now i feel back to confused and weird, because here has this very strange event occurred and is occurring, while also my mom is calling saying spaghetti is ready. luckily she loves me when im weird and distant.

so strange and confused and slipping between thinking this is normal and thinking this is weird and thinking im making all this up and thinking im crazy.