The victimization of men

[Aion]

@Aion

Thank you for sharing this
I can really relate to that!

I hate a deep hate for my father when i was young. My mother had a deep hate for men, i believe she actually loved me, but hated me for being a man ( since men have done horrible things to her).

When i was between 10 and 11 and started to become a man physically, i had a severe accident that destroyed a testicle (very painful). I dissociated it, three Hours later i had completely forgotten that this ever happened.
Many years later the memory came back (around mid thirty). Upon investigating this irealized i had dont this on purpose, since the "combined hate" in myself and the system surrounding me for the masculine climaxed in trying to prevent myself from becoming a man through this accident :/

The only thing I've ever hated is myself and 'everything', all or nothing I suppose. I can't hate people or anything really, I hate circumstances sometimes, and I am increasingly growing to hate physical pain. When I was younger I had a condition with my manhood (slight phimosis) which resulted in tearing one of the first times I had sex. Its like my body has been built to cause me physical trauma and in some ways though I see the utility behind it all in my spirit. I am a clever spirit at times, perhaps too much for my own liking. It has shaped much of this life.

I was lucky my Mom was always of the attitude that if she raised us right we would be good men. I'd say we are all quite decent individuals as far as it goes but my older brother who spent more time with our Dad definitely has more of a regular masculine leaning than my younger brother and I, but we're all pretty big kittens.