The victimization of men

[Agua del Cielo]

I like to view this whole subject in a differentiated way, considering different parts differently!

I think it's useful to Look at the different layers:

On a social level, there are certain qualities a man is "supposed" to have. he should be strong, in control, fearless and so on, unaffected by those "wimpy emotions" and a rather controlled thinker.
Thats the way it has been for centuries and it is deeply engrained in our collective subconsciousness.
Men are still being raised in these "values".
Although i never felt obliged to followed that maxime, i still realize sometimes, that i still have this in me, deep down.

It is not necessarily that men are denied emotions, but only certain emotions are "allowed":
anger, aggression, hate are perfectly fine for a man.
Helplessness, sadness, affection are "forbidden"

I think one just has to be aware that this makes it hard to discover early experiences where one was helpless for example.

Another difficulty is that paradigms are shifting, the "old"way of being a man is not accepted anymore, the "new" way is not yet accepted.
There arme not yet enough "role models" available, so wie have to figure it out ourselves.
I guess this is especially hard for Boys and men who do not yet Trust inner guidance.
On the other hand, it gives a lot of freedom, since there is no "set" way at the moment, i am free to explore.
Personally, my family didnt give a s*** about me. While this left me with much to heal, it had one big advantage:
I always could live and develop just the way i wanted, much freedom


As for the victim side, i think considering the various layers is very important!

When im dealing with the Little boy in me, i have to carefully watch where he is at.
Is he in a helpless State, being hurt and victimized?
Then it's important to acknowledge this. Just be with it.
You wouldnt want to tell a baby that just has been raped or whatever "come on, get up, youre not a victim", that would be highly dissociative!
When the emotions of the victimized boy or child have subsided however, it is important to claim back responsability and NOT staying stuck in a victim identity.

I think the same is true if youre being discriminated for example. Lets say youre black,transsexual and live in a highly oppressive society.
When youre facing the emotions that arise from discrimination, you should acknowledge it.
But you wouldnt want to built an identity around it!

I am white, Male, had a horrible past and so on, but this is not what i am.
I am an ageless, timeless being without gender, and i should not forget about that!


Concerning childhood and those vicious cycles of hurt, violence and abuse.
Usually mothers can do Most good and Most bad, a fathers role is not Even comparable.
For nine months the body as well as the consciousness is intimately connected, this is beyond our imagination!!
Then after birth due that connection, the mother plays the Most important role.
This is an enourmous challenge and tesponsability. And much harm can be done.

I guess anybody who has children knows what i mean.

Now, considering our parents ( Mine for sure) have also been traumatized (and did not heal), it is obvious that this will lead to more trauma.
And Most likely there parents were also traumatized...and so on.

So, do i pass this on?
I have been treated horribly, is it not understandable that i become a horrible father?

Who will stop this? Who will Break this cycle?
It is me! I will fucking stop that s***!
If i dont do it, how can i expect anyone to so it?
I am here to heal, heal myself and so heal the world!

And i am not alone! I have this beautiful Family here, People who went through the same, People that will listen, understand and help and are on the same mission!