Becoming a Healer - My Journey

[Agua del Cielo]

The first lessons

The "education" started soon after.

it came in all different forms, sometimes visions, sometimes catalyst, but it was all "taylored" to my individual needs, to my specific "obstacles".

i have to mention, i have been practicing Kriya Yoga for many years. it also involves a breathing technique that increased "catalyst", helps subconscious material to surface and provides one with the energy and clarity necessary to process it.
so i'm used to dealing with much catalyst.

But i wasnt used to so MUCH catalyst...

it started slowly.
I did a healing session with my girlfriend (on weed, you think i smoke too much? well, Hmm).
The specific subject doesnt matter that much here.

After a while, I started "seeing" her light. i became so aware of the sacredness of her being. it was overwhelming,I never seen her like that before.
i saw this sacred being,trying to "become flesh".
I saw all of her struggle, problems, strange sides were part of the process of that sacred being becoming flesh.

Then i saw her "deepest pain". I saw a little child,helpless, innocent and terribly wounded. and there was a cautiousness, understanding and a compassion arising in me.


I realized,that would be the perspective required to heal .
To not only see a normal human being the way i usually do.

To see the sacred soul inside and to acknowledge the little child that suffered.
I need to be a loving father, a loving mother and i need to be aware of the sacredness of a Soul becoming human.

Sounds pretty easy while on weed. in my everyday life i (unfortunately) usually dont relate to my fellow humans like that.
well,I "know" this the deeper truth.
But that's the difference between theory and practice.

i was shown how this really feels, and i realized, i will have to learn how to actually live this!

i started "practicing". i tried to viel random people i met that way.
i tried to viel my girlfriend that way.
i felt so much different than i was shown on that journey.

First lesson, first try, first fail.
Self-dont arose. much self-doubt.

was ist so good an idea to become a therapist?
Didnt i over-rate myself greatly?
Me, a healer?

I didnt know there was so much self-doubt in me.
I tried to just face it and continue practicing, als long als the "journey experience" was still fresh.

A couple of days later I recall having a dream.
I met a "higher" being, it spoke to me in a deep hollow voice
(i sometimes have experiences like this, my inner being seems to have quite a sense of humour, it usually indicates an important message. The deep hollow voice indicates the mystic importance as well aus the fact that the words, the translation was obviously coming from myself).

The voice said "the first thing you have to learn is total acceptance of self!"
I realized, how would i possibly accept a human being, Cosmin to therapy, with all his "flaws" if i cant even accept myself, just als I am now?
I need to learn to accept myself fully, just als i am right now.
This would be prerequisite in accepting others.
and acceptance obviously would be the first thing needed in a therapy.

I started recalling all the inner journeys i had over the years.
Many times i came to a place of deep pain that i experienced als a child or baby.
there i would find explanations to my strange patterns and also healing.
this often would help me in realizing, that there would be a good reason for my behaviour and "patterns" and i usually would perfectly understand this once i foundation the "root".

(a note: just as I write this, i realize, i didnt see that sacred being and that deep pain in myself. I never realized this before...)

But still i kept questioning myself. my healer journey didnt seem to be very successful so far :/
I prayed for more education and for help and assistance, since it seemed I was having difficulties in my learning.

Help was on it's way...



-to be continued-