Becoming a Healer - My Journey

[Agua del Cielo]

Then one day last january, i had a stunning experience on weed!
and that's where the story really begins

i was on an "inner journey" with my girlfriend utilizing the beautiful plant teacher Weed.
at some point she said "oh, just put on your "healer mantle".
i didnt know what she meant, obviously she was somewhere else than me.
After some time however i thought "well, i'll give it a try, i'll put on the "healer mantle" and see what happens".
then i "did".
My consciousness exploded, i was filled with light, i was filled with love, my boundaries seemed to have hugely extended.
I though "wow,thats incredible".
After a while i thought, "Hmm, lets try the "musicians mantle" now"
i did.
i felt quite good, but no comparison at all.

the following weeks this was on my mind constantly.
i was so afraid of taking that step.
i have dedicated so much of my life to music,I have practiced so much for many years, the were so many sacrifices involved, i lived in poverty for so many years, i didnt have a "normal" social live for years,i have finally become a pretty good musician...and now throw it all away??

I have gone through a lot of "existential" stuff the following weeks, much concerned with survival.

and i quit my job three months after

The next four months i was spending with intense spiritual practice, only working a liitle bit as a free lancer.
i would do walking meditations for hours, since this helped me the most to recover from that frustration and burn out i accumulated over the years in the job.
i wanted to give myself some time to find out, if i wanted to end my musical career out of frustration or if there was truly a "calling" to the "healer thing".
i recovered after a couple of weeks, my emotional state was constantly improving. i enjoyed the beautiful summer, nature, my beautiful relationship.
I didnt consciously deal with the "healer question", actually i was avoiding even thinking about it.

then in autumn i discovered the Ra material.
Needless to say what that did with me, you all experienced it.
My "access" to my inner light has been growing constantly over the years, but that was a whole new depths.
suddenly a lot more made sense. and it was like a "light of unity" had been ignited in me.

i was especially fascinated by the things mentioned about healing.
i started thinking about it again. But i was so afraid.
can i do it? am i good enough? arent there too many un-healed portions of me? and so on...

two weeks later i felt the need to investigate this further.
i went on an inner journey again (again with weed) my intention was to find out what i should do als a profession.
i saw pictures and Impressions from the Post-Graduale training.
i saw the "main instructor" (sorry for the bad english).
he is definitely the spiritually most evolved being i encountered i my whole life, and he's and incredible therapist and healer.

i saw him healing. i realized how sacred those moments were, how sacred this work is.
i realized, he had (innerly) initiated me, i couldnt grasp it mentally, but i could "feel" it.
i knew much work and evolution would be necessary to really be able to apply it.
But suddenly there was an intense feeling of "i have been shown how to heal, now it is my sacred duty to pass this on"

i asked myself afterwards how i could have ignored the "healer mantle" experience so long.
Now it seemed so clear. And i was even more afraid.

A few days later, i ritually accepted the Honor/Duty to be a healer and asked to be educated and to receive the Information necessary as suggested by Ra.

Honestly, i thought this would "just" be a powerful decision for myself. and i didnt believe too much in "being educated".

i was wrong...

-to be continued-