When does choosing love at every instant become easy and obvious?

[Coordinate_Apotheosis]

Thanks so much, Coordinate_Apotheosis. I've been mulling over everything you've said. The quotes helped ESPECIALLY.

A few questions:

1) Are you saying that for you, choosing love is at this point in your life/evolution easy for you?

2) Does desiring to give love propel me faster toward my goal? Maybe this is too tangential, but how does desire for giving love differ from desire for personal peace and inner joy?

3) I don't think I understand the significance of your 21 day suggestion. How does that differ from simply setting a goal for every day from now on, or waking up and saying "I'll do this today?"

4) There's absolutely no question that I am service-to-others, this body/mind/spirit complex I temporarily call "sjel." I feel like I have that foundation already. But where, then, does the reluctance come from? I have many experiences of giving love unconditionally to a point that I felt inner spiritually orgasmic joy. But they were all fleeting, short experiences that don't seem to be consciously repeatable. Instead, oftentimes afterwards I felt more stuck in my life, uncomfortable mentally, with a higher tendency to want to numb myself through mindless media consumption and/or alcohol/chemicals. Why the hell do I desire the lower vibration stuff immediately after high vibration experiences? This is something I do not understand at all.

5) I agree wholeheartedly that the pilot g2, extra fine point pen is far superior to all other writing instrument options. I will never again write my important thoughts and dreams with another pen. This instrument is a gift from the higher densities.

I have more questions, but I'm detoxing from fluoride (using a nascent iodine supplement) and am sleep deprived so my mind and spirit feel hazy and disconnected.

It's...So strange how I have no problem sharing when not asked to do so, but when asked I become nervous and anxious and worried.  I'm willing to bet myself this post is going to take me a couple of hours. (Looking back...It took me many hours, forgive it's length...)

I'm going to be mostly speaking of my memories and experiences back in 2014, but in the light of seeing myself as worthy, I will shake for a moment this feeling of unworthiness to discuss such things and try to be of service...

1.  At this exact moment, I am as the majority, I stumble inside the sinkhole of indifference often.  Yet, in some ways it is much easier to feel the swelling up inside when I witness a chance to provide love, without any background desire to polarize obscuring that spontaneous reaction because of my experiences in 2014.

Simply, my answer is a paradox, yes and no.  Yes because I find these are what I am drawn to, I WANT to give love, I WANT to be kind, I do not want to be these things so I may polarize and graduate, I want to be these things because it is who I find myself to be.  In this same light though...I WANT to be selfish sometimes, I WANT to manipulate others to get what I want sometimes.  I'm no saint, the choice to love for me was considered deeply to be towards STO with some...Intense bias towards STS energies.  Such as responding with spite out of anger, or sarcasm out of annoyance.  I'm as much a monster as a lover in my mind.  So...I think it's important, that in recognizing this completeness inside of myself, as all things, I have opportunities now to cultivate portions of this, to 'be' portions of this completeness.  I can be the dark lover of bondage and submission, or the cruel customer who makes life difficult for another, or the driver who cuts off another for whatever reason.  I can be all of these things, but what's important is that in knowing this, I still choose to be a lover and not a monster, even as a lover who sees myself as a monster, Frankenstein wasn't such a bad guy...  Not... All monsters are bad...

2.  Making the choice of love, as a waking conscious human being is...Understated.  Diana touched upon it well:

there are emotional reactions where real, deep, unconditional love is felt, and yet, emotional reactions are fleeting in nature. When—through experience, not just an intellectual decision (which is part of the process)—that feeling of unconditional love surfaces not as an emotional reaction, but as a deep welling up of what is

If you don't feel the deep spontaneous desire to do so, the polarization accrued from being so won't be as 'pure' or what I term 'intense' as if it was from a place beyond intellectual desire to polarize and graduate and leave 3D.

I strongly suggest the immediate contemplation deeply of why one wants to leave 3D and how they're possibly going to do that with such a desire.  It could be said, from the perspective of dichotomies, that the desire to leave is the desire to stay, this is a red ray condition.  Once one finds peace with their being in 3D, on Earth, they may find it much easier to react from the heart, rather than through the red ray desire to return to the heart.

I say that but the truth is, for so many people, the pain of 3D is like an iron wall...  It completely stops you, it completely wrecks you in the process to.  You're not walking up to this wall when you discover it is there, you're flying, and whatever your speed is, the moment you're aware of the wall is the moment you hit it.  I once had someone pm me on here that they wanted to kill themselves and make it all go away...  I couldn't...Articulate back then, what it was I felt in them, but now I can.  Thank God they're still with us today, thank god they let their light exist on Earth where he is desperately needed even in just presence.

The iron wall of wanting to graduate 3D-- of wanting to leave is the first major signpost, in my opinion, of a person that desires to be unconditionally loving.  They miss these energies and want them back, it might be a half-remembered sensation even...  It's a good way to gauge if you need to work on the red ray...

With all of these said, to whoever it needs to be read by, I'll now get on with my point.

2) Does desiring to give love propel me faster toward my goal? Maybe this is too tangential, but how does desire for giving love differ from desire for personal peace and inner joy?

With what Diana said in mind, I'll answer your questions directly.

Desiring to give love both can and can't propel you, balance exists, too much of anything exists, even love.  Imagine it this way, if you love so much that you injure yourself from giving love, how can you continue to give love?  You propelled yourself then twisted your ankle (metaphorically), how can you continue to propel forward now?
The desire itself to give love is no different from the action.  If you become obsessed with giving love, you'll distort yourself.  Best example I can think of.  Crazy obsessed girlfriend meme:

What distortion is this person experiencing from loving too much?  Could it be jealousy?  Irrationality?  Hatred?

You love someone so much you drive yourself crazy, probably not a good way of propelling yourself forward

Also I should mention why your goal is to 'propel' yourself, you make it sound like you desire to 'exponentially polarize'.  I felt very much the same way when I first began polarizing, but please heed my personal experience as a warning.  You might springboard up into dealing with catalyst beyond your ability, and if you just give up, you'll plummet back down in a contrast akin to heaven moving into hell.  Please don't do that to yourself, once you acquire the effortlessness of providing unconditional love, strongly consider taking up a few lessons in wisdom on when to apply that love for your own personal sake, and when to say no.

Saying no is revolutionary.  Imagine how it could transform yourself when you say no to certain situations.

I...Have to now divulge into the fact sts and sto are the same side of the coin up until the finer details are concerned.  An entity of wisdom/love is offering the wisdom of not choosing to give love to them when they 'greet' you or in the sense of a manifested incarnatee, when they 'wrong' you in some way.  This is a chance to polarize positively by responding with love.  In the exact same way, when a sto entity incarnated offers to a sts the chance of love, it is a disservice to the sts being and is not actually a 'service to another'.

Ra comes upon this issue specifically with Don's trying to be of service to their 5D entity, Ra literally calls this 'humorous':

67.26 ▶ Questioner: Then there is no other service that we can at this time offer that fifth-density entity of the Orion group who is so constantly with us. As I see it now there is nothing that we can do for him from your point of view? Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. There is great humor in your attempt to be of polarized service to the opposite polarity. There is a natural difficulty in doing so since what you consider service is considered by this entity non-service. As you send this entity love and light and wish it well it loses its polarity and needs to regroup.

Thus it would not consider your service as such. On the other hand, if you allowed it to be of service by removing this instrument from your midst you might perhaps perceive this as not being of service. You have here a balanced and polarized view of the Creator; two services offered, mutually rejected, and in a state of equilibrium in which free will is preserved and each allowed to go upon its own path of experiencing the One Infinite Creator.

67.27 ▶ Questioner: Thank you. In closing that part of the discussion I would just say that if there is anything that we can do that is within our ability— and I understand that there are many things such as the ones that you just mentioned that are not within our ability— that we could do for this particular entity, if you would in the future communicate its requests to us we will at least consider them because we would like to serve in every respect. Is this agreeable to you?
Ra: I am Ra. We perceive that we have not been able to clarify your service versus its desire for service. You need, in our humble opinion, to look at the humor of the situation and relinquish your desire to serve where no service is requested. The magnet will attract or repel. Glory in the strength of your polarization and allow others of opposite polarity to similarly do so, seeing the great humor of this polarity and its complications in view of the unification in sixth density of these two paths.

So in light of trying to be sto, we very well can seem sts to sts entities, in this similar way, in light of trying to be sts, we very well can seem sto to sto entities.

The sinkhole rests where we view sts actions as sts actions rather than the sto aspect they can be to us (to not see the love in their actions towards/against us).  We can have wisdom in not meeting the want to be killed with allowing ourselves to not be killed.  Or we can have love in allowing ourselves to be killed, the issue there however is if this gain in polarity would outweigh if you didn't polarize but remained alive, almost universally (I think), it is not.

This however is considered 'subtle' work, as suddenly we have the fusion of polar opposites into the same thing, and must discern the little bits about that same thing in it's polarized light's.  You touch upon this with your question:

how does desire for giving love differ from desire for personal peace and inner joy

It does as an intellectually minded human.
It doesn't for an entity working beyond the intellectual mind.

The difference is that the want to give is not the same as the want to receive, intellectually.
The similarity is that in giving you receive anyways by the natural function of the universe (the homage: 'You get what you give' applies directly here)
You are not giving as an entity of love to receive, as 'love itself' you already receive as you give so there is no need to mix the two up as different.  The intellectual mind doesn't manage this (or even 'realize' it), it is one of separating, logic, abstract, form, point, line, segment, properties with labels and titles differentiating them.
The deep mind has no need for this intellectual inundation.  To it giving love is no different from receiving what one gets when they are given love.  In most cases, receiving love is giving peace of mind and joy to another.  In retrospect, you have given this to your other-self, you have given to your self.

Your worry is one of the intellectual.  The desires are the same in the light of love, you wanting to give yourself peace could even be a motivator to polarize eventually leading to the effortlessness and as Diana said, "that feeling of unconditional love surfaces not as an emotional reaction, but as a deep welling up of what is, you have reached another layer."

You will find yourself as you polarize sort of moving through layers of reality from a still position, like in the show Futurama, the Planet Express's delivery ship doesn't move through space, it makes space move around it.  You'll experience that.  It's different for everyone, some people experience is as reality becoming dreamlike, others view it as sudden inconsistencies in reality (mandela effect), and some even experience it as their reality changing before their very eyes without any physical changes being observed.

Once you take the seat in the throne of the heart or move kundalini up past the outer courtyard of the green ray and into the green ray itself, you will know it, until then the point of polarity is to reach that throne inside of the green ray as far as selfishness is concerned to a sto entity, in regards to selflessness to that same entity, the point of reaching this throne is to become a healer and begin the exercises of higher lessons of sto, the entire point of 3D however is to simply reach that throne, to do so once, then be able to do so again, and again, and again, easier and easier.  That momentum eventually kicks in is somewhat a proof of the inclination towards the positive of our Logos.

I'm sorry this answer was so long, I see no difference between those desires of wanting to give love and wanting to have peace and joy.  I'm sure I can try to intellectually explain them if you prefer that kind of answer though.

3) I don't think I understand the significance of your 21 day suggestion. How does that differ from simply setting a goal for every day from now on, or waking up and saying "I'll do this today?"

I'm an intellectual type, logical to a rigid degree.  It wasn't until I practiced strengthening faith that I began to experience a 'spiritual awakening'.  So for me, I had to make long term goals, as trying things on a day-to-day basis wasn't working for me.

In a sense, my '22 days' was spent with a rigid schedule.  I could detail it now it's still fresh in my memory.
Wake up, write down any dreams, thank the infinite creator, begin drinking my lemon-lime infused water (1 gallon per day) with 4 heaping tablespoons of hemp seeds.  Brush my teeth, take a shower, get dressed for work, affirm during my drive to work that I'll have a good day and be of service to others.  Be of service wherever I possibly can be while working. (I have some stories to tell because of that lol...), eat only bananas and oranges at work, go home, water the plants and try to start a gardening project in my backyard (to this day hasn't been finished...) eat dinner if hungry, meditate (then eat dinner if I didn't), contemplate, free time (smoke weed then hookah, play video games, read the Law of One, listen to music, write), prepare for bed, thank the infinite creator, go to bed.

I began waking up with thoughts of the Law of One just all in my mind every day, like I was observing everything about it in my sleep just before waking up.  I remember vividly, five days straight I woke up and the absently occurring thoughts in my mind were 'we are one love'  However, I also smoked weed pretty heavily back then (I had just begun smoking weed too since my job at the time was now an overnight gas station shift and I went a week without sleep because I couldn't sleep during the day, so my tolerance wasn't existent much at all back then) I made it a point to avoid meditating while high, though the few times I did were very comforting albeit not as intense as sober ones were.

At the heart of your question I have no answer, it's strictly unique for everyone.  Some people need to set a longterm goal, others need to setup each day as if they were each a step.  I was a bit of both, I'd make a long term plan then design day by day how to achieve it, if I had no long term plan I'd have no motivation to design my days towards something.  My issue was balance, if I make a goal too far out in the future I lose interest, if it's too close I may not be giving myself enough time to accomplish my goal.

I ultimately transformed from needed to do day by day activities for a long term goal, to just being blissfully happy to be able to enjoy the small and large things across each day.  

I might know how to answer this question now, back then I went from needing to do things by motivation and reminders to suddenly becoming spontaneous.  It was no longer a chore to do anything like take out the garbage, it was a pleasant walk down my driveway.  It wasn't a pain to save money from my paycheck, I effortlessly adjusted my lifestyle so I could manage away 100 dollars per paycheck of a weekly paycheck to eventually buy a car.  I saw grocery shopping as a fun time out of the house.  I took 3am walks without any fear anymore and walked through the darkness of the night with a shining smile.

I can't really explain it, it's just a momentum, one day things become enjoyable, the annoyance falls down, the anger falls down, the sadness falls down, (shed away) and you become the Creator, you become just Love.  Is the extraneous effort human's sometimes need to go grocery shopping needed by the Creator to do simple mundane tasks like go buy groceries?  Apparently not from my experience!  Everything is met with love, until your humanity comes across something it can't handle, and reasserts itself, bringing you back to who you are, making you human once more with anger and annoyance and sadness.

The hard part is moving the humanity of yourself to consistently do as the Ra quotes in my further up post indicated.  If you can't find your personal human way of consistently across at first days, then across a single day each day, to consistently constantly make the choice of sto, I don't know if it's possible to reach that stage of momentum then.

I consider a failure of making the choice here or there in a day normal and expected and tolerated on the road to becoming the Creator.  Most especially because you are a human and designed to fail making the choice.  So if you have a bad day, don't let it get you down.  You're meant to have bad days, meant to meet them with love even if long after they occurred.

What's important is to not just give up.  I know this specifically well as someone who shuts down easily and surrenders to adversity, doesn't bother with competition, and just gives up in sadness or shame or frustration.  DON'T DO THAT MAN, it's okay to take a break, but giving up harms yourself in return and begins a self-perpetuated cycle of suffering.

Whatever you need to do, to do what you need to do, to become what you feel you need to become, is what matters.  It's the journey, not the destination.  Love is the journey, the Creator is the destination, what matters is not in becoming the Creator, as much as spreading the love you radiated while becoming so.  This seems to be the major theme for wanderers, to radiate love, our mere presence raises the vibration of Earth, radiating love probably helps greatly, and I do mean Greatly, each 1 is enough to change the world, everything counts, but with that said, no one is trying to be 'the best' so don't beat yourself up for failures.  When you twist your ankle, you still need to keep moving, just more slowly so you can heal too.

I'm not sure if that answered that question adequately, please tell me if I've been confusing as I'm getting pretty tired (it's, oh my god lol, 3:33am)

4) There's absolutely no question that I am service-to-others, this body/mind/spirit complex I temporarily call "sjel." I feel like I have that foundation already. But where, then, does the reluctance come from? I have many experiences of giving love unconditionally to a point that I felt inner spiritually orgasmic joy. But they were all fleeting, short experiences that don't seem to be consciously repeatable. Instead, oftentimes afterwards I felt more stuck in my life, uncomfortable mentally, with a higher tendency to want to numb myself through mindless media consumption and/or alcohol/chemicals. Why the hell do I desire the lower vibration stuff immediately after high vibration experiences? This is something I do not understand at all.

I question often if I am a service to self being.  I consider it healthy to re-examine the foundations now and then, make sure nothing is crumbling.
Where does anything from you come from but yourself?  Reluctance, I'm that word pretty well.  The reluctance could be a lot of things...  You should definitely sit with that feeling in a meditation, overwhelm your sense with it, then let it dissipate and think forth it's opposite, which might be motivation in this case.  Let that overwhelm the sense then relax.  The next time you feel reluctance, balance it with motivation, then with that done, make your choice, reluctance or motivation.  What does your polarity choice lead you towards?

I ask that expecting you to say motivation, but to be honest even with that dichotomy in my mind I often opt for reluctance, reluctance out of paranoia and fear.  My greatest biggest crippling fear in the world, is looking stupid to other people.  It makes me hit the iron wall of 3D, it makes me want to leave.  I hate being laughed at, I hate it so much...
Still, I must try to not let that make me give up, and I do.  I lower my head, glare with a frown at the ground then let myself grow sad and walk away as my shoulders slump.  But at least I didn't give up, and will be able to make something positive of the experience one day in the future.

Orgasmic joy is nice...  I find the sensation of orgasm is similar to the passive state of bliss I felt for weeks at a time in 2014.  I beat myself up for not finding a sexual partner then lol, but anyway I think that the extreme pleasures these energetic states produce are not normal to the physical chemical complex of the body.  For every moment of bliss the brain needs to produce the necessary neurotransmitters to make it happen.  If the body runs out of the chemicals needed, the state ends, PERIOD.  This is why the quote by Ra regarding listening to the polarity of the body, and finding a chemical/physical balance for it is crucial.  What good is the world's smartest self-driving car software program if it's installed in a clunker that can barely accelerate?  The entire mind/body/spirit complex needs it's different parts cultivated, this seems to be done almost specifically through some kind of discipline of the personality.

The discipline of this entire personality relies on how the mind interacts with itself, how the body is cultivated by the mind, and how the spirit can be allowed to express itself through the mind and body.

If you lack this discipline, you're going to move into major distortions of ignorant self destruction.  Whether it become from hedonistically wanting the pleasure of love back, to believing yourself unworthy when you can't maintain the state of Love.

This means you need to balance the lower chakras.  I view red, orange, and yellow are smaller reflections of blue, indigo, violet, with green a buffer between the two vastly differently dense energies that yet somehow are similar to each other (red to blue, orange to indigo, yellow to violet).  If you can manage to balance those chakras, such moments of such joy might come around more often.

However, I had a thought...  So, you feel these orgasmic joys but can't seem to appreciate them long term as they are these small fleeting moments.  Well, maybe try to consider this.

As above so below.  For every fleetingly unholdable second, there is eternity.  You felt the moment in that eternity, you felt that moment of eternal pleasure moving away after feeling it coming forth, and you were distressed by it.  You want it back but it's such a short moment and you fret with the misery of it's loss (Sorry if that sounds dramatic, I'm leading up to this dramatic image )



You think that shortness has ended now?  It's eternal.  It is as That Moment That Is Love, That Is Eternal and Infinite.  Next time you meditate, seek to meet with that 'short moment' again inside the timeless environment of your meditating mind.  You'll come across it.  In that same way, you're expected to go to all the moments that left a taste on your senses and observe them.  You can do the same to those moments.  It's also worth noting, the word moment is similar to 'movement', though that one instance of a moment is eternally in movement, it isn't moving anywhere that you can't access it, not unless you remove the experience from your conscious memory.

Instead, oftentimes afterwards I felt more stuck in my life, uncomfortable mentally, with a higher tendency to want to numb myself through mindless media consumption and/or alcohol/chemicals. Why the hell do I desire the lower vibration stuff immediately after high vibration experiences? This is something I do not understand at all.

When highly dense energies are met with a filter that considers them solid, they can't go anywhere.  You can't go anywhere.

In my mind this can be seen as, attempting to move the kundalini up to green ray through yellow ray, when the yellow ray is not open enough to receive the energy that will come forth once green ray is penetrated.  Blockage can be seen literally as well as metaphorically.

You want to rise kundalini, you want to polarize, yet you have an eagerness to propel these things forward despite lacking the work to safely do so.  That won't stop the processes if your will is sufficiently strong but it opens you up to possibilities you might not desire to come across that as a consequence of your eagerness, you may very well come across.  I personally did...  I'd like to not see that happen to another, so please consider this.

You desire the low after the high the same way a chronically depressed person desires to be comfortably numb in their depression rather than face the responsibility that comes with making life enjoyable.  It's easier to be what you only know your entire human life.  The lower energies, the physical realms, the red, orange, and yellow energies that make us up, that we experience through and from.  I'm not saying you're depressed and finding comfort in remaining so, I'm saying you're moving into higher energies, and comfortably moving back down to lower energies.

Have you considered your up and down ways are you coaxing and testing out your upcoming motivations to effect the lower and higher energies for polarizing?  You might be feeling out the playing field so to speak.

Personally however, I think you're just being affected by some kind of habit of your personality.  The addict doesn't move back to the drug because they need it, they move back to it because their want for it feels like they need it.

Are you moving back to lower vibrational energies because you unconsciously know you still need them?  Consuming alcohol is a perfect way to ground the self in lower vibrations just like smoking weed is a perfect way to inappropriately work with higher energies you're not ready for soberly.

I'm trying to think how to say this.

If...You find yourself returning to old habits as you try to break free of them.  Perhaps this is you telling yourself it's time to begin the training of the personality.

You might find 22 days of discipline of your personality is the mountain you'll need to climb without stumbling into the 'lower energies' to begin a momentum, but I honestly believe during those 22 days you should ignore all work on higher chakras and focus intently on working out red, orange, and yellow chakra blockages through the outer courtyard of the heart (just below green ray) before you attempt walking into the green ray.

My first time ever walking into the green ray was in a meditation with the song Megalomania by Muse playing on repeat.  That same song guided me to my shadow self, who at the time was simple and singular with a black mask covering his face (but now is complex and a whole bunch of many others some with masks and others with weapons), but when I walked up to the mausoleum in my mind that was the entrance to the green ray, I was accosted by two lions who seemed to walk intently in front of the doorway staring at me.  I was scared, and didn't remember what Ra said to do in that moment, and so all I could manage to do was seek what the lions meant, and all I kept thinking was, 'they keep pacing back and forth like they're guarding the way, am I the intruder, or the guest?' I approached and they stood in front of me, but they never attacked me, and in their mercy I gave them mercy, and like that the room opened to an incandescently iridescent bright white space.  I walked in and found the throne floating in that place with an invisible ground, I sat down and said 'I Love', and I began my spiritual awakening.

Your want to be with the lower energies is why you came to 3D, why would you want to leave them?  You can't not be them here.  For all the work with higher energies, you are still activated and manifest as 'Human'.  You must be those while human...  That you unconsciously remind yourself this by returning you safely to those energies is important, though I'm tired and struggling to think of how or why they're important...  I find that all I can think to this question is to see it like this:

Instead of:
"Why the hell do I desire the lower vibration stuff immediately after high vibration experiences?"

See this nearly polar opposite form of your own remark:
"I know heavenly that I don't want the higher vibration stuff prolonged after low vibration absence."

The opposite of your 'question' literally looks like it's own 'answer'

I hope this all helps somehow, sorry for my great wall of text, I tried to make the really important tidbits stand out...
Oh, I'm not done lol.

5. I literally feel a connection to the pen I use, like when it runs out of ink I'm getting a refill cartridge, that pen is my baby...  This is my pen, this is my tool, without my pen I am nothing, without me my pen is nothing.

I love you pen  

I also love all of you, and apologize for my painfully long post!
(I wonder how many people see me 'replying to' for the past few hours and were wondering, 'the hell are you writing C_A??')