01-16-2017, 10:22 PM
(01-16-2017, 07:40 PM)Aion Wrote: Well, I mean, just looking at your post here it seems obvious that you are where you are precisely because you want to be there. You are gleefully playing in the same fields you claim to want to be free from and fetishize the same control that is being pushed upon you. You're not stupid, you're quite sharp and it baffles me that you cannot see this. You yourself are obsessed with the very things you are experiencing and a complete unwillingness to shift your desires means there will be no adjacent changes in the external reality. You know exactly how it works, but you keep.hoping there is some way you can have your cake and eat it too.
By all means you can keep trying with what you're doing, but my understanding is that no changes occur in reality until changes occur within the self. From there, it is realizing you are slave to your own desires and deciding what to do about that.
And no, I am not suggesting that these things aren't real or that they are illusory or that there isn't some really nasty s*** out there, what I am suggesting is that you are experiencing that which is a function of your chosen emotion, mental and physical environment. You chose this, and so to go elsewhere, you must choose another way. You cannot leave the crossroads and stay in its cross. You must choose a way out, but so far it seems you choose a path that loops right back in to it. Circles endlessly forever. Time to break the chain or its just gonna keep going and going and going.
I guess the other alternative is to sink in to a deep victim mentality, but I don't think you're the type for that.
I used to be the type for that, but I don't see how it's gonna help.
What do you mean by "a different way"? I can't control my fetishes. But, like I said, my goal is to be alone, not to get closer to others in any particular fashion. Besides, there are plenty of law-abiding ways to engage in mind control play and BDSM and other somewhat negatively oriented sexuality, with willing participants. And I might not even go for that... in theory, I'm a complete pervert, but in practice, I never take up anyone else's offer on sex.
What I really need is to understand how to activate and use the merkaba while removing the damaging distortions.
What kind of change are you referring to? To dedicate myself in total service to others? I don't feel comfortable with that. I want to fix myself first, and then I'll see about helping others. I'm not against it, but I am distrustful and paranoid, and I'll feel better about all that once I feel safe and empowered enough to take care of myself...
Or, if you're talking metaphysical or etheric changes, where should I start? I'm very confused about what exactly is going on with me. Meditation is probably the key, but if I'm going to walk through the walls of the prison instead of trying to find an external way out, how does that work?