First of all, I take it that some here were apparently offended by use of the word "gay" as a derogatory adjective, leading to its removal from my above post, and I want to point out that I didn't mean any offense to actual gays; I'm bi myself and just have a penchant for profanity (as some here may have noticed). It wasn't intended as a statement about my opinion of anyone of any sexual orientation.
My decision is that I want to develop myself, be my own master, and keep my mental faculties as well as occult abilities.
I think that whatever's doing this is a negative entity attempting to enslave me, and I'm not very happy with anything that it's done or with the assumptions it makes about me or with anything it apparently has planned for me.
It tells me to "forgive" it a lot. If it lets me go and returns my mental faculties and occult abilities, there is nothing to forgive; it's a done deal. I just want to have my freedom and happiness.
If it decides that it won't let me be free, then I'm going to break free anyways and f*** with it as much as I can on the way out.
If there is a real, objective karmic punishment system, then whatever's doing this to me is effed, and I'm gonna be the spiritual equivalent of a multipentillionaire when it gets done paying me back after everything it's done to me.
If there's not, I can escape my situation easily... and could probably do that, anyways, because I definitely didn't deserve a lot of what has happened to me, however they're making it look to their little dog-slaves.
If it's trying to beat me into submission or train me like a dog, I'm not going to give it the response it is looking for. I'm not afraid of anything, and I'm too miserable to enjoy anything at all - hell, it bothers me that I have so much in front of me and can't enjoy any of it.
With no punishment and no rewards, I can't be "trained", and that's what I was implying above.
If my emotional state is going to improve, great, but I'm going to do that on my own. I'm not giving in for relief, because I'm in so much pain that more pain doesn't do very much and less pain is so distant that I hardly remember what it feels like.
In fact, becoming happy with my situation is everything I'm trying to avoid, and why I mentioned above that by not leaving me any ounce of inner peace, they've given me a gift - immunity to to their threats.
As far as hate goes, I suppose I am filled with it. But it's fuel for the fire.
And the hatred will solve itself when I hit the notes that I'm looking for. I'm looking to have a somewhat specific effect here, not just a general release from pain.
If the "law" is to meekly accept torture and allow myself to be shamed and beaten and framed for crimes into being a mind-controlled slave with no power or recourse, then f*** the law, because I cannot be made a whole lot more miserable, and so my options are to live a fate worse than death, or to go for freedom. I have no other options.
>"Your reality literally is perfect, and one day you will learn to be thankful for each and every aspect of what was a part of it."
I dunno. Stab out a man's eyes and lead him to the biggest library in the world, cut out a man's tongue and take him to an all-you-can-eat buffet - is it really so perfect?
My decision is that I want to develop myself, be my own master, and keep my mental faculties as well as occult abilities.
I think that whatever's doing this is a negative entity attempting to enslave me, and I'm not very happy with anything that it's done or with the assumptions it makes about me or with anything it apparently has planned for me.
It tells me to "forgive" it a lot. If it lets me go and returns my mental faculties and occult abilities, there is nothing to forgive; it's a done deal. I just want to have my freedom and happiness.
If it decides that it won't let me be free, then I'm going to break free anyways and f*** with it as much as I can on the way out.
If there is a real, objective karmic punishment system, then whatever's doing this to me is effed, and I'm gonna be the spiritual equivalent of a multipentillionaire when it gets done paying me back after everything it's done to me.
If there's not, I can escape my situation easily... and could probably do that, anyways, because I definitely didn't deserve a lot of what has happened to me, however they're making it look to their little dog-slaves.
If it's trying to beat me into submission or train me like a dog, I'm not going to give it the response it is looking for. I'm not afraid of anything, and I'm too miserable to enjoy anything at all - hell, it bothers me that I have so much in front of me and can't enjoy any of it.
With no punishment and no rewards, I can't be "trained", and that's what I was implying above.
If my emotional state is going to improve, great, but I'm going to do that on my own. I'm not giving in for relief, because I'm in so much pain that more pain doesn't do very much and less pain is so distant that I hardly remember what it feels like.
In fact, becoming happy with my situation is everything I'm trying to avoid, and why I mentioned above that by not leaving me any ounce of inner peace, they've given me a gift - immunity to to their threats.
As far as hate goes, I suppose I am filled with it. But it's fuel for the fire.
And the hatred will solve itself when I hit the notes that I'm looking for. I'm looking to have a somewhat specific effect here, not just a general release from pain.
If the "law" is to meekly accept torture and allow myself to be shamed and beaten and framed for crimes into being a mind-controlled slave with no power or recourse, then f*** the law, because I cannot be made a whole lot more miserable, and so my options are to live a fate worse than death, or to go for freedom. I have no other options.
>"Your reality literally is perfect, and one day you will learn to be thankful for each and every aspect of what was a part of it."
I dunno. Stab out a man's eyes and lead him to the biggest library in the world, cut out a man's tongue and take him to an all-you-can-eat buffet - is it really so perfect?