(01-13-2017, 03:39 AM)Ashim Wrote: I used many of the various compounds during a period of 4 years, starting with JWH-018, the original "spice" and moving on throughout the different mutations in order to avoid legal problems in my country. I probably used more than 20 types of synthetic cannabinoid, some with good positive effect (regarding the ability to channel), others with near fatal results, almost causing heart failure. There were some compounds that definitely had more affinity to the negative polarity. The last time I used resulted in the aforementioned black hole experience. That was about one year ago.
I found that a pedantic attitude towards spiritual cleansing and ritual was of great importance regarding safety,but would never advise anyone, regardless of drug related experience, to experiment with these highly dangerous and addictive substances.
I have struggled with health issues since, along with cluster headaches that I have suffered from for over 20 years. After being hospitalised last year and being officially diagnosed by a neurologist, I discovered a vitamin regime recommended by fellow sufferers that includes very high dosage of vitamin D3. I have taken this every day for the last 11 months with zero headaches. I am also of the opinion that the continued use of the cannabinoids and intense channelling I undertook had in some way altered neural pathways. Even a year after the last use I still felt addicted and had they been available here in the UK I probably would have been tempted to continue. Recently I have started taking 5-Hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP) as a suppliment which has had an almost immediate positive effect on my mood and general well being, probably due to my depleted serotonin from the chems.
My experience has certainly been one of 'blowing open' the upper chakras with brute chemical force. Bringing the lower centers into harmony is still on going but progressing well.
The Council of Saturn have a strict "no drugs" policy for their instruments!
Probably a good one. As fun as drugs are. Some days I wish I could just drug myself into a stupor, and that's what I did for a couple years - incidentally, the only years when I was ever anywhere close to happy - but I know that I have to be sober if I want to escape this place.
It'd be so easy to get some nice pot, alcohol, and poppy seed tea and just forget about everything... Go back to eating GMOs and junk food, get a girl/boyfriend, get a job and watch TV and play with sex toys and go to school and have friends and be a normie...
If I have one thing to thank my tormentors for, it's not leaving me an ounce of inner peace... watching TV or getting my leg broken.... sleeping on a soft king size bed or a rock under a bridge in winter... it's all in the same order of magnitude now. My only hope is to find a way out of this place. I don't have another option. The pain never stops and probably never will, not until I'm out of this place.
Quote:Learning and becoming adept does involve the integration of darkness. Going to dark places, owning dark thoughts and understanding the power of being 'separate' does not however define you. Many of my own personal actions in the past would be viewed as strongly STS by any rational person, such as theft, deception and issuing multiple death threats to individuals. These things do not define me, nor do they serve to alter my core vibration. They are lessons in the learning curve that function as a mirror, on later reflection, to remind me of that that I am not.
I'm not sure what my core vibration is anymore. A large part of my psyche is extremely negatively oriented. I'd say that if I could choose, I'd probably go for being on the dominant end of the STS world. I really do love negativity.
At the same time, part of me also loves the idea of freedom, because it's not something I've ever really seen. A truly spiritually free society would be a strange and beautiful thing to my way of thinking.
But I don't believe in that. I don't believe in "goodness" or true selflessness or benevolence or freedom any of that to any significant degree. I'm too jaded. My whole life has been hellish torment, and the one time things were actually okay for me, it just propelled me into a series of nightmares that made my already truly miserable experiences seem like a splash in the kiddie pool.
If there's to be anything good in my life, it must be taken by force. That's what I'm beginning to understand. I'll never be happy as a slave, and the enslavers will never allow me to be happy if they can help it, I think.
I hate them. I hate them.
And when I think about it, a monster starts to boil up to the surface.